Things seem to be heading for the worse. I don’t know what’s happening to me. Earlier I was fine and all of a sudden I feel despair. It happened so fast.

It’s a repeat of year 2005 and 2006. From depression, I recovered with minimal aid. Yet I’m sinking into the abyss again. I fear the agony of despair, anxiety and loneliness. Much worse the fear of fear.

Upon running through memories of my dead grandfather, I thought about how disappointed he would be of me if he was still alive. Maybe that expresses the sentiments of my family. I wouldn’t know. How about friends? I do not know. I don’t want to know!

I am contaminated and broken on the inside. Fooling myself that I was powerful, I fronted a mask, drove all resentment and misery inwards. Combined with my oath of silence, my soul withers in pain.

Now that the entry has ended, there is a calming effect upon me. Enjoy it while it lasts…

“Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home
I want to embrace you and never let you go…
Almost hope you’re in heaven so no one can hurt your soul…
Living in agony ’cause I just do not know
Where you are” -Somewhere, Within Temptation

Logen