My Intepretation of Depression
I’ve spoken about depression in my last few entries. Before my words are misconstrued, here is my intepretation of what depression essentially entails. Depression is an overwhelming sense of anger, despair, or sadness that persists for over two weeks. It has the power to destroy a person’s sense of being and personality. On this basis, from Secondary 3 onwards, I had an onslaught of despair and sadness, lasting for up to six months. It ceased for several weeks before repeating itself. Despite small relapses, I recovered between the end of 2006 and start of 2007. These relapses are seldom as acute, but if I get paranoid about them being permanent, it become agony. Thusfar, I’ve avoided talking about my triggers. I’m afraid to be judged...
The Imbalance of Tears and Fears
The week leading up to my relapse was pure agony. I seem to have forgotten how I crawled out of the abyss two years ago. But with the relapse, I’m remembering some details on the arduous journey. During this period, I was in a contemplative mood on my good days and on other days, I had spasm of fears and tears. The following reflects my thoughts in the course of recovery. Like the thunder storms that occur as nature’s way of correcting imbalances, life is the same. Our saddest moments indicate issues unresolved lurking within our minds, awaiting corrective action. When facing these problems, it’s good to take a proactive and contemplative approach. Through objective contemplation, we learn the causes of our distress. And with the cause known, we...
Bear a Mask and Live with it’s Consequences
Things seem to be heading for the worse. I don’t know what’s happening to me. Earlier I was fine and all of a sudden I feel despair. It happened so fast. It’s a repeat of year 2005 and 2006. From depression, I recovered with minimal aid. Yet I’m sinking into the abyss again. I fear the agony of despair, anxiety and loneliness. Much worse the fear of fear. Upon running through memories of my dead grandfather, I thought about how disappointed he would be of me if he was still alive. Maybe that expresses the sentiments of my family. I wouldn’t know. How about friends? I do not know. I don’t want to know! I am contaminated and broken on the inside. Fooling myself that I was powerful, I fronted a mask, drove all resentment and...
Blog Spam Protector Acting Strangely
I’ve got a funny feeling that my spam-protector is throwing out some innocent comments. If you are one of those people, please contact me through logishblog[at]gmail[dot]com. I’d like to resolve the issue if there’s one. Thanks. To friends who try to reach me only to no avail, sorry. The term is hectic and you know how crazy it drives me. Though this is no excuse to neglect friendships, I can only apologise. My line is open to emergencies no matter what. In writing this, I think Harris is most well-deserving of my apology. See you soon. Logen
Between Depression and Recovery
This is really a first for me. My mind fluctuates between depression and recovery. It was the same a few days ago. All I know is I’m acting like a mentally ill person. I had a good breakdown a few hours ago, berating myself while sobbing. As predicted, I’m getting waves of paranoia and moments of terror. It’s coming soon. I feel it. I can avert part of it but the rest might just kill me. On my side stands only one person, me. While the faceless enemy is a thousand times the stars in the sky. Maybe I’m not having the right perspective now. I don’t know. My will is strong but the mind is greatly diminished, exhausted. I hope this will cease before desperation kicks in. Desperate people do desperate things. Logen
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