If you’ve come here for something positive, I’m sorry to disappoint you; you should have known better and long given up on that. Life is far from happy. Reality is a curse. The only saving grace are my close friends who have been very supportive, even though we do not meet often.

I want to feel something other than melancholy, disappointment, boredom and stagnancy. Yet, this is all I feel. I don’t want to type a long drawn post justifying why I feel the way I do and why I am who I am. I just am and this is how I feel.

How does a fun and crazy person become risk-averse and unhappy? Life happens. Society expects people to fall into a cookie-cutter mold; to be the same, to want the same and to feel the same. Guess what… This is a place where I do not belong. This is a place where I cannot find the strength to smile. This is a place where I am just different.

I don’t know how long I can tolerate the worries and the fear of stagnating. I fear death less than losing the people I love. But this is life.