With the end of the military service around the corner, do not taint the good memories of our friendship. It may be that our friendship is shit to you. If so, it is regrettable that I’ve been so foolish in believing that we are more than acquaintances in the same military camp. Go and fuck yourself. For that matter, go and fuck yourselves as well…

I forgo my sleep to meet you guys outside of camp and all I get is insulted and reminded of the tragic realities of life. Thank you for confirming that my company and existence is unimportant, unappreciated and a joke.

Logen

Not that I’m completely at fault though. Credit has to be given to the military for wasting my weekdays.

Being Too Soft

On the same note of resenting the military, I have been too soft with certain idiots back at camp, namely from the third platoon. Apparently crying like a pussy when he was charged and detained in detention barracks, and when his girlfriend broke up with him due to his obnoxious behavior, didn’t teach him any manners. I have also been too kind with a numskull of a financial planner whom I have told months ago that I was no longer interested in whatever plans he had to offer.

Ironically, Being Too Hard?

It is time to sharpen my acid tongue and be brutally straightforward. It is not my business to hold my tongue when certain people are to blind to see the boundaries they have trespassed. At the same time, ironically, I ought to soften my approach when dealing with friends who sometimes annoy me. As quoted from Matthew: “Logen, you had gunpowder for breakfast again?”. I will redirect my ‘gunpowder’ at assholes in the future.

Kuala Lumpur

That said about assholes, what about my trip to KL? The shopping and food was good. The nightlife there, namely Zouk nightclub, was bloody awesome. The Flaming Lambo’s were cheap and us drinking it gathered lots of attention from the patrons surrounding the bar.

The best part of the trip was the company. Travelling with two himbos and two Jurongers who nearly missed their flight made for good entertainment and companionship.

So photo insistently taken by JX, here I am in leggings in Changi Airport…

Is it really that strange?

Logen

Here are some excerpts preluding and postluding the new year festivities for the past half a decade. In my serach for my writings in the past, I managed to idiotically delete an entire blog database by accident for a prior blog. Oh well.

Earlier this year, 2011:

Sure, there were many people walking in a drunken stupor, but better drunk and happy than sober and moody. What happened to the saint-like Logen who didn’t associate with booze and drunkeness? Well, he had sex, enjoys the occasional whiskey on the rocks, got pissed drunk twice and grew out of sainthood…

- Excerpt on having a disappointing and melancholic new year this year (2011)

2010:

It doesn’t matter if I will take on a path less taken. No matter the difficulty. Even if there is little proof that my principles, ethics and path will enable me to succeed, I will push on. I will be the exception because I’m not mere statistics. I am Logen, the god of my own destiny. And I don’t give a fuck of what society expects me to do.

- Excerpt on my vow to reach happiness. Incidentally, I had an awesome new year at Siloso beach party (pictures included).

Prelude to 2009:

So, whose hairstyle to choose: Uchiha Madara (or Sasuke) or Yondaime Hokage? My hair still isn’t long enough… and I can’t seem to forget that bloody hair dresser who butchered my long hair.

- Excerpt on choosing what cosplay hairstyle to have in the new year. And my grudge against the hair dresser.

2009 Resolution:

[...] conquer my fear of cockroaches and any other creatures with more than 4 legs, bigger than a 20 cent coin and living on land

- Excerpt on resolving to kill my horrible fear of cockroaches, which I have already achieved in the stinking dirty building in armour camp.

 2008:

Not unlike Christmas, the ushering of the new year has little significance this year. I feel especially lonely as others celebrate their friendships and relations.

- Excerpt on loneliness. Enough said.

2007:

Last year had been a true challenge, which I have eventually pulled through. At the beginning of yesteryear, I aimed to rise above the two-year long depression that had clouded my mind; I succeeded.

- Excerpt on ‘conquering’ depression temporarily. Melancholy comes back eventually.

2012:

Happy New Year my friends. I will be going once again to Siloso Beach Party this year. In fact, I’m supposed to meet my friends in 2 hours. See you.

Logen

Life takes you to places and amidst the journeying there is suffering and self-fulfillment. Often the suffering and pain surpasses the self-fulfillment, especially when the life you seek is unconventional. It is a sad sad world. And we need the people in our lives to be more accepting to our eccentricities, more supportive of our dreams and less judgmental to our struggles.

It is difficult to find people who share the desire for an unconventional life, contradictory to what society expects. It is just as difficult to find friends who would listen to your struggles for happiness without lashing out judgment.

Truth be told, the people we call ‘friends’ talk too damn much when what you need is a respite from life’s miseries and someone to listen (and be with you in the moment). When your body language leaks melancholy, these people ask about your well-being out of curiosity, not care nor concern. They judge your problems as though they know you and know every factor of struggle in your life. They belittle your struggles and tell you they’ve been through worse or that there are people in this world who are unluckier.

What arrogance, ignorance and insensitivity… Is it necessary to compete on whose life is more fucked up when someone gives their trust and confides their issues? Why the hell do you think therapists are paid to listen? Yes, that’s right. People talk too damn much.

Be a friend. While curiosity isn’t a sin, making ignorant criticisms as a byproduct of your curiosity is a sad excuse for care and concern. Learn to shut up and listen, control the urge to judge where judgment is unnecessary and lend support by being there. People already know the answers to their problems and need limited input. Agree to disagree and accept that there will always be stubbornly different views. Instead, give them the respite from pain and the strength to move forward in life.

Logen

Nonetheless, these recent events have re-sparked my passion.

(1) Freedom from the army is near (next year)

Free from the military in May 2012, I have to decide what to do with life. Which route should I take towards my coffin? I have thought of this numerous times and most of my options are unusual.

As said before, I do not want to lead a conventional life; walking on a path paved by the masses who are frightened at expressing their individual views because society frowns upon anything different.

I want to find my own happiness, in my own way.

(2) Financial Planning Seminar organised by my OC (Officer Commanding)

Years ago, after an inspiring read of the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, I sought to take action on becoming financially independent. I am not yet at my goal and have strayed off the path slightly. The seminar has given me a refreshed perspective and reminded me to persevere in my dreams to turn my current business into stable profits.

(3) Stories of a travelling friend

With a sense of nostalgia, Shi Hui retold the stories during her solo travel to America. Lost for directions in life, hoping to find herself and her way, Shi Hui travelled around the States for a month. She came back happier, lighter, knowledgeable about herself as a person but no more certain of the future than she was when she left.

This was the same of me when I returned from Thailand from my solo travel last year. It changed my life.

I want to do a solo trip again. I also want to lead a lifestyle that entails travelling many times in one year.

(3) Life lessons from a cab driver

I met Victor, my driver, when taking the cab home from Mustafa Centre. Now in his mid-forties, Victor has an unconventional take on politics, Singapore racism history and life. I share many of his views.

Even though I had reached home, I stayed in the cab and we were talking for at least 10 minutes.

He was happily married to a Taiwanese wife and has permanent residency at both Canada and Taiwan. His kids, similar to me, are of mixed Indian-Chinese heritage. And he is back in Singapore while his son completes National Service.

From what we spoke of, Victor lived his life away from Singapore. With just $100, he left for Amsterdam and ended up working at a firm in the Silicon Valley. He has retired. He fought for his place in this world and his happiness. He spoke of the hunger for success and hope for a better life.

Our conversation gave me valuable insights for my own path. And allowed me to believe this life I am seeking is within reach. His advice was about hunger for success and the guts and aggression to seize your desires in an unfair world.