Here are some excerpts preluding and postluding the new year festivities for the past half a decade. In my serach for my writings in the past, I managed to idiotically delete an entire blog database by accident for a prior blog. Oh well.

Earlier this year, 2011:

Sure, there were many people walking in a drunken stupor, but better drunk and happy than sober and moody. What happened to the saint-like Logen who didn’t associate with booze and drunkeness? Well, he had sex, enjoys the occasional whiskey on the rocks, got pissed drunk twice and grew out of sainthood…

- Excerpt on having a disappointing and melancholic new year this year (2011)

2010:

It doesn’t matter if I will take on a path less taken. No matter the difficulty. Even if there is little proof that my principles, ethics and path will enable me to succeed, I will push on. I will be the exception because I’m not mere statistics. I am Logen, the god of my own destiny. And I don’t give a fuck of what society expects me to do.

- Excerpt on my vow to reach happiness. Incidentally, I had an awesome new year at Siloso beach party (pictures included).

Prelude to 2009:

So, whose hairstyle to choose: Uchiha Madara (or Sasuke) or Yondaime Hokage? My hair still isn’t long enough… and I can’t seem to forget that bloody hair dresser who butchered my long hair.

- Excerpt on choosing what cosplay hairstyle to have in the new year. And my grudge against the hair dresser.

2009 Resolution:

[...] conquer my fear of cockroaches and any other creatures with more than 4 legs, bigger than a 20 cent coin and living on land

- Excerpt on resolving to kill my horrible fear of cockroaches, which I have already achieved in the stinking dirty building in armour camp.

 2008:

Not unlike Christmas, the ushering of the new year has little significance this year. I feel especially lonely as others celebrate their friendships and relations.

- Excerpt on loneliness. Enough said.

2007:

Last year had been a true challenge, which I have eventually pulled through. At the beginning of yesteryear, I aimed to rise above the two-year long depression that had clouded my mind; I succeeded.

- Excerpt on ‘conquering’ depression temporarily. Melancholy comes back eventually.

2012:

Happy New Year my friends. I will be going once again to Siloso Beach Party this year. In fact, I’m supposed to meet my friends in 2 hours. See you.

Logen

Life takes you to places and amidst the journeying there is suffering and self-fulfillment. Often the suffering and pain surpasses the self-fulfillment, especially when the life you seek is unconventional. It is a sad sad world. And we need the people in our lives to be more accepting to our eccentricities, more supportive of our dreams and less judgmental to our struggles.

It is difficult to find people who share the desire for an unconventional life, contradictory to what society expects. It is just as difficult to find friends who would listen to your struggles for happiness without lashing out judgment.

Truth be told, the people we call ‘friends’ talk too damn much when what you need is a respite from life’s miseries and someone to listen (and be with you in the moment). When your body language leaks melancholy, these people ask about your well-being out of curiosity, not care nor concern. They judge your problems as though they know you and know every factor of struggle in your life. They belittle your struggles and tell you they’ve been through worse or that there are people in this world who are unluckier.

What arrogance, ignorance and insensitivity… Is it necessary to compete on whose life is more fucked up when someone gives their trust and confides their issues? Why the hell do you think therapists are paid to listen? Yes, that’s right. People talk too damn much.

Be a friend. While curiosity isn’t a sin, making ignorant criticisms as a byproduct of your curiosity is a sad excuse for care and concern. Learn to shut up and listen, control the urge to judge where judgment is unnecessary and lend support by being there. People already know the answers to their problems and need limited input. Agree to disagree and accept that there will always be stubbornly different views. Instead, give them the respite from pain and the strength to move forward in life.

Logen

Nonetheless, these recent events have re-sparked my passion.

(1) Freedom from the army is near (next year)

Free from the military in May 2012, I have to decide what to do with life. Which route should I take towards my coffin? I have thought of this numerous times and most of my options are unusual.

As said before, I do not want to lead a conventional life; walking on a path paved by the masses who are frightened at expressing their individual views because society frowns upon anything different.

I want to find my own happiness, in my own way.

(2) Financial Planning Seminar organised by my OC (Officer Commanding)

Years ago, after an inspiring read of the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, I sought to take action on becoming financially independent. I am not yet at my goal and have strayed off the path slightly. The seminar has given me a refreshed perspective and reminded me to persevere in my dreams to turn my current business into stable profits.

(3) Stories of a travelling friend

With a sense of nostalgia, Shi Hui retold the stories during her solo travel to America. Lost for directions in life, hoping to find herself and her way, Shi Hui travelled around the States for a month. She came back happier, lighter, knowledgeable about herself as a person but no more certain of the future than she was when she left.

This was the same of me when I returned from Thailand from my solo travel last year. It changed my life.

I want to do a solo trip again. I also want to lead a lifestyle that entails travelling many times in one year.

(3) Life lessons from a cab driver

I met Victor, my driver, when taking the cab home from Mustafa Centre. Now in his mid-forties, Victor has an unconventional take on politics, Singapore racism history and life. I share many of his views.

Even though I had reached home, I stayed in the cab and we were talking for at least 10 minutes.

He was happily married to a Taiwanese wife and has permanent residency at both Canada and Taiwan. His kids, similar to me, are of mixed Indian-Chinese heritage. And he is back in Singapore while his son completes National Service.

From what we spoke of, Victor lived his life away from Singapore. With just $100, he left for Amsterdam and ended up working at a firm in the Silicon Valley. He has retired. He fought for his place in this world and his happiness. He spoke of the hunger for success and hope for a better life.

Our conversation gave me valuable insights for my own path. And allowed me to believe this life I am seeking is within reach. His advice was about hunger for success and the guts and aggression to seize your desires in an unfair world.

Once bitten, twice shy. In the future, I will just meet with my friends and have an awesome time. No need for me to keep calling, no need to stress, no need to keep track of who’s coming at whatever time, no need to waste my time and no need to waste my effort. You guys can just fuck yourselves and organise your own cohesion.

Logen L.

When one makes promises, they are expected to honour their words. I have bunk mates whose words amount to lip service. Talk is cheap.

They cavalierly confirm that they will attend a gathering, but back out at the last minute. Common excuses include: I have to drive my friends home, I am currently out of the country and cannot make it back in time because my friends have prolonged their stay.

They blame their friends in order to break commitments. Pray tell, why the fuck are you meeting your friends before you have to attend the gathering. You mean you couldn’t have foreseen any delays. Are you so fucking retarded that you do not know your friend’s habits to delay?

Disrespectfully Taking Me For Granted

I am not your mama shop. You want hair wax or tissues, go fucking buy your own. I am not trying to be selfish here, but the reality is this, I buy my supplies for my own use. But week after week, you have been asking me for supplies for your use. Am I supposed to spend more and buy extras just to accommodate your needs?

I am not your servant. Don’t you push me towards the queue and boss me around to queue for you. Is your dick so puny that you have to sit down at the side? All talk and no action asshole. You slack around and sleep. Thereafter, you strut like a bitch, shaking your ass and open your pussy lips to boss your fellow bunkmates(who have been busy cleaning arms or doing chores) around. When you are caught slacking, you whine.

Respecting My Privacy

If you want to use my belongings, ask for my permission first. Privacy and respect are important to me. If you have no decency to ask, then fuck off far away from my belongings.

Pissing Me Off When I Am Trying To Relax

If you have nothing to tell me, then stop calling out my name. I will fucking box your teeth out.

Logen L.