Straightening Out My Disquiet
I wish I could express my thoughts as eloquently as before. But as at now, my mind is written in a language that I know not how to transcribe to English. I’m frustrated at my lack of direction in life; something I prided upon in the past. Now its all groggy as though I’m recovering from amnesia. My confidence and assertiveness have dwindled and I find it difficult to assert my fair rights and stand. To worsen my predicament, every time I hear that (if you know it, then you know; otherwise, mind your own business), I feel as though someone has broken my ribs apart to slice my heart over and over. Circumstance makes it difficult for me to love, let alone feel compassion, for another person. This is what happens when you live life without religion. You...
Contemplating On An Jing
I’m sure you know how certain songs can bring back nostalgic memories of the past. Unexpectedly I came across the song, An Jing on Zhi Wei’s blog. This song represented an era of time when I was young and stupid, between the secondary school years 2004 and 2005. I was in a class of crazy idiots who loved mandarin music, so naturally I was exposed to the mainstream mandarin music of that time. While listening to the song after half a decade has passed, I’ve contemplated my journey in life and realise how much older and wiser I’ve become. I’ll soon graduate from polytechnic and reach the crossroads to decide the path I should pursue. And by now I know, once you choose your path and leave behind the crossroads, you can never turn back....
Clarity Is The Acceptance Of Fear
When you possess clarity in your thoughts and the direction in life, you assume that the clarity will last. However, this act of attaching yourself to clear thought, is the beginning of losing it. In order to see things as they are, we must let go of what we fear. If we are able to calm our minds of fear, we’ll be shocked at how fear can aggravate an innocent situation. We are conditioned to face the good with pleasure and attachment; and the bad with fear and aversion. We must drop the illusion of good and bad as they are ultimately two sides of the same coin. Both good and bad should be faced with a calm objective mind. Fear taints clear thought. It instigates paranoia that totally blinds us from clarity. Blindness impairs us from taking action. [...
The Essence of Hate and Compassion
Time and again, adversity has taught me to have compassion for another human being’s pain. Ignorance is the cause for all of the world’s problems. People live within their selective reality, seeing the world as how they want to see it. They dehumanise and disrespect fellow human beings and justify their fears by imposing selective reality on their victims. At a time when my mind was purer, I would tell you to react to their actions with compassion. But my world has been and continues to be oppressed by these people. For which they oppressed, I cursed them to die. I hated them. My mind had become unstable and I lost clarity in my thoughts. How can one be sane when his sense of self is clinging onto a thread, so close to death? Finally, I experienced...
Nightmares About Life
I had a nightmare two days ago. It was a representation of my worries and what may happen. I cannot get over it. It feels so real that I seem to have distanced myself from my loved ones. What I need is a listening ear. I need to process my thoughts or risk losing my sense of identity. It is this that is causing so much pain. It is okay for people to insult you. But can you imagine if that insult attacks the very root of your existence?You begin to doubt yourself, and slowly your sense of self dies away. The worse part is when this sense of self tries to fight for its life. It is fucking painful… Because no matter how much my sense of self is fighting, it is drowning. The desperation of the sense of self will cause you to hate the perpetrators. And when that...
Tears of Crimson Red
I’m forced by society to see with eyes tainted by my blood. It drips down, crimson red; I can’t help but focus on the pain. Yet again, I have killed myself; the agony prolonged by fear of death. From the corpse within the abyss of cold, I am reborn. The old self has too much hate to recover; it demands a blood debt. The shadows await the new god’s demise; Will they succeed in dragging him down at the next turn in tide… Logen L.
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