The new year has prodded me into thinking about life and what will happen after my stint at the army. It has reminded me about why my desire to be happy is just a pipe dream; and I’ve been sucessful at forgeting this dreadful reason for months, until now. Like I said in my prior post, don’t judge me or presume you know me. Don’t ask me the wherefores of my sadness out of curiosity.  Don’t talk down at me. At the same time, shut the fuck up about god.

I feel as if I’m stuck in another dimension, while everyone else is moving on with life, settling down in normalcy and conventionalism. I guess, this is the point where I stop and doubt myself and my existence. No longer can I cry. The closest I’ve gotten to crying is when I drink. And that’s also the time I feel most human.

You know what… I’m supposed to be writing my resolutions for 2012. Here they are…

1. Resume Aikido training (or switch to Yoshinkan Aikido)

2. Regularly produce content for my 2 other websites (at least once a month)

3. Learn conversational Thai

4. Earn US$300 from direct advertising (by June)

5. Make US$150 in domain sales (by June)

6. Become slimmer and tone my body

7. Take up a sport (other than martial arts)

8. Do a cover of Zombie accompanied by guitar music for Youtube

9. Complete a marathon

Happy new year people…

Logen

This goal of mine is far from being accomplished. And I have decided to make a project out of it on my other site at iKinesics.

Besides body language, I have been working on two new businesses. One of them is an addition of a new domaining business model to my current domain names business. The other is a partnership with my military camp-mate on promoting fitness and skin products. Hopefully, these two avenues will eventually enable me to supplement the measly military allowance.

In light of progressing in the goals above, I have neglected studying Thai. Time is, honestly, out of my hands; a sad fact of being enlisted in the army as a stay-in personnel for 5 days a week.

To worsen matters, my eczema condition has gotten slightly bad. Even though I have doubled the dosage of antihistamines, I end up scratching my arms and neck when asleep due to the intense itching. I am frightened at what field camp would do to my condition. Raw bleeding skin and mud do not mix well. We’ll see on Monday…

Logen

- A remark by a geisha on the war, Memoirs of A Geisha

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I spent the morning contemplating (and worrying) over how life will pan out after I have served the military. Long have I discovered that life rarely takes on the path of your desires. And my desires are many.

Before the age of thirty, I intend to migrate out of this country to another. My reasons for doing so are purely personal. I want to be a businessman who runs his own business, with a portfolio of investments. And I’d like to author fictional stories as a part-time job. Amidst all this, I want the time to train in Aikido (or Aikijujutsu) and perhaps fall in love.

However, when I compare my plans with what I observe of others, my aspirations sound naive and risky. The standard cookie-cutter plan of my friends is to: (1) Apply for a ‘good’ university, (2) Graduate and work for a company for the rest of their lives, (3) Find time to get married in the process. I don’t mean to scorn the plan, but it certainly isn’t for me.

There are some options in my mind now, to take my being closer to my goals (mainly the immigration).

1. Train in Japan as a live-in aikido student at the Yoshinkan Aikido Headquarters. Supplement my income as an English teacher and improve my Japanese proficiency. After 5 years, I can be considered for naturalisation as a Japanese citizen. There is definitely job satisfaction as I enjoy teaching.

2. Become a (accountancy or business) student at an Australian University. Apply for permanent residency for some years before applying for citizenship.

3. Take up an accountancy degree through Ngee Ann’s affiliation with overseas universities, or study for ACCA. Work for a few years locally, then apply for Canadian citizenship as a skilled worker (accountant/auditor). Or if I have sufficient net assets (unlikely), I can apply for Canadian citizenship under their entrepreneur scheme.

Apparently, money is a damper to my plans, especially option two. But I’d like to further my studies for the sake of a back up plan and to have one last opportunity to be a student. I’m going to the ‘Study In Australia’ Exhibition to consider my university options this Sunday.

It occurred to me that the idea of traveling the world while working as an English teacher seems viable. To write a book while events take shape in an unfamiliar cultural landscape is spontaneously romantic. What say you? Please answer my poll below.

View This Poll

Logen L.

1. Attain Silver for NAPFA

The two obstacles that I face in this physical fitness test are the standing broad jump and pull ups. I must be in time to take the test in mid April.

2. Learn to do the Melbourne Shuffle

I’ve fallen in love with shuffling ever since I’ve seen it done on YouTube. But after seeing some girl at Powerhouse shuffle, I’m determined to master it. Muahaha!

3. Gardening and re-potting

After my efforts at weeding months ago, the aloe vera plant is flourishing. Baby aloe veras are sprouting and I intend to re-pot them.

4. Write one short story

I’ve said on several occasions that I want to write short stories. However, I’ve always allowed procrastination to get the better of me. This time I want to brush up on my language and get to writing.

5. Meditate and live life

Though I’m aware, I’ve been drifting in fatigue and without direction for the past weeks. I’ve got a lot to reflect on by attempting insight meditation. Also, I’ve got a lot of partying and clubbing to do. That’s part of living life, is it not?

6. Increase Online Earnings

Yes. I’ve been doing this for a long time. I daresay, so much so that I neglect other parts of my life. Therein lies the reason for putting this goal as the last.

That is all. I’ll take action when I wake.

Logen L.

Today, I’m here to renew my vow to reach my happiness, amid the uncertainty. I vow to reach my goals my way. I will forgive and be compassionate to even those who oppose me.

It doesn’t matter if I will take on a path less taken. No matter the difficulty. Even if there is little proof that my principles, ethics and path will enable me to succeed, I will push on. I will be the exception because I’m not mere statistics. I am Logen, the god of my own destiny. And I don’t give a fuck of what society expects me to do.

Happy new year everyone. I resolve to stick to my code of ethics and principles and my way (and path).

Logen L.