Hear You Screaming My Name
I want to sleep and never awake. My tenacity to handle this life has disappeared. Even the dimension where my imagination and fantasies reign has gone barren and cold. Between uncertainty and certainty, the bleakness is comparative. All I hear is the echoing silence; the vision of olden empty hallways with long forgotten madhouse inmates. I am blind and cannot see the path towards happiness. I am deaf and cannot hear the god of destiny calling my name. And I have been silenced by the doctors of this madhouse. Will you hold my hand and guide me out of the cold black abyss. I am afraid; damn afraid of this paralysis, damn afraid of being abandoned and damn afraid of being unwanted. Can you tell me that I’m worth it?Sponsor ZUJI SG - MLOB Cannonball 300x
Ushering Melancholy And 2012
Melancholic. I’ve used this word so much that it means little. Should I say I feel bleak, hopeless, gloomy and dreary instead? The new year has prodded me into thinking about life and what will happen after my stint at the army. It has reminded me about why my desire to be happy is just a pipe dream; and I’ve been sucessful at forgeting this dreadful reason for months, until now. Like I said in my prior post, don’t judge me or presume you know me. Don’t ask me the wherefores of my sadness out of curiosity. Don’t talk down at me. At the same time, shut the fuck up about god. I feel as if I’m stuck in another dimension, while everyone else is moving on with life, settling down in normalcy and conventionalism. I guess, this is...
Moody Bag Inspection
The return to camp for Aqis bag inspection, marked the day I became severely moody. People have been taking me and my ego for granted. They believe that their rude remarks and insults have no effect on how I feel. I should be damned to even care for the people who do not give me the courtesy of respect. I am beyond tired of returning to the asylum in my mind that houses emptiness and great melancholy; the place I called home when I was 14 and there I remained within the shadows for four long years. I learnt to let people in far enough to create shallow bonds. Should they ever leave or turn against me, I needn’t feel pain. Why take a chance on humanity when the only thing you receive in return is hurt… Logen L.
Untitled Obsession
I miss you so much but you will not know it. I care too much about your life and your privacy. And therein lies the reason for behaving as uninterested as I have been. Truth be told, I want to know more about your life, your likes, your wants, your dislikes and your fears. Yet, I have not asked. I am taking this too seriously, am I not? I am a freak… A sad freak… Logen L.
I Am Stupid
I might seem cold and practical to you. You might find it hard to build rapport with me, and I believe you have given up. In my defense, it is in my affection for you that I’ve built a wall. I now know its a tad bit unnecessary and I’ve been bleeding paranoid. Even then, there’s someone else. I know there is. I feel stupid for feeling this way about you. I am an idiot. I let my emotions get involved. But how not to when I’ve observed how tenderly and playfully you treat your friends. How not to when I’ve witnessed your cavalier and carefree spirit. How not to, when I’ve tasted your lips. Logen L.
Emotional Detachment And Secrets
Time and time again, I question the wherefores of my existence. Within this eternal struggle of ego tussles and prejudice, the want of a happy life is but a childish dream. I subconsciously push people away at times, as I feel no purpose to have emotional attachment to family and friends. One day, they will leave. Some will leave due to the law of impermanence that governs this world. Others will choose to leave. Of the latter, I will feel the pain of abandonment. And it is this pain, which I prefer to prevent. Do I love the people whom I love (and will come to love) despite my denial of attachment? Yes I do. Am I fiercely loyal to these people? Yes I am. But perhaps drifting away is for the better. The essence of my being is clandestine and hence a life of...
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