Category Archives: Confession

04/9/08

Overcoming Fears and Phobia

Some days ago, I mentioned about testing NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) techniques and get back to you if it works. I haven’t tested it yet, if you are wondering.

I need to have sufficient understanding on the NLP techniques first. Once I’m prepared, my first test would involve overcoming my fear of cockroaches. After a recent scare from Harris, when he tried to kick a cockroach at me, I decided not to live with being controlled by this fear.

The reason why I haven’t called my fear a phobia is because I can watch Oggy and The Cockroaches without feeling squeamish. That’s a cartoon by the way. Oh well.

Here’s a more realistic picture of my fear…

My last cockroach house-invasion four years ago, left me running around the house screaming. I was on the phone with a friend, and I’m sure he must have gone deaf when I spotted the huge flying cockroach. My parents were out, so I retreated into my room. I psyched myself into running out to grab the Baygon once the coast was clear. It was difficult as I kept imagining the flying bitch waiting to attack once I opened the door. I did defeat the cockroach eventually but the whole house was oily with Baygon residue after the battle.

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So, hopefully before my 18th birthday, through applying NLP techniques, I would have eliminated my fear of roaches. Friends, if you want to help me, don’t scare me with them.

Watch this space. And watch a demonstration of NLP below (used to help Ellen quit smoking). To make this clear, this isn’t hypnosis.

Logen L.

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03/21/08

Hell’s Museum of Infatuation

I am a robber. There is an artifact I want from the museum. But the value of things on display are supposedly priceless.

Knowing I can only see that beautiful piece and not touch it makes me resentful. The piece has hypnotised my senses.

Robbing the museum will not make me the true possessor of it. After all, while I may be able to retrieve it, its soul will vanish. An empty shell, though beautiful, is meaningless…

If you do not already understand, read on. The artifact is a person, the museum represents the many obstacles. The talk of ‘robbery’ implies coercion to love.

Even if I force you to love me, what would I have gained? A person without a soul…

Logen

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02/27/08

Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

Finally in a long while, I had a libido-charged dream. It would have been an orgy of three.

The horrible thing is, why the hell did the parents come home before anything substantial could happen. Even my dreams are against me… Ah, well.

Logen

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02/9/08

Knowledge Is Power

Within my life list, I have some goals that relate to each other. They lead to a common big picture, which I seek. And that common big picture can be summed up in three words: Knowledge is Power.

I am a big believer in the mind and its limitless capacity. I believe it can be used profitably in areas of finance, pleasure and more importantly, to transcend suffering. In this age of blind faith and propaganda, the mind is an essential point of defense. The world has seen how Hitler has used propaganda for genocide and is now seeing how terrorists are recruiting innocents to kill.

It is in light of my extreme examples that I seek to expand my mental faculties; I want to process information faster; be observant and not jump to conclusions; be calm and not worry or be temperamental. I have done my research and sought various avenues to reach my goals.

I shall list them below, without explanation for now:

  • Insight meditation (Vipassana)
  • Cognitive brain exercises
  • Diet filled with optimal brain foods (Green Tea, Salmon, Tuna, Blue Berries, etc.)
  • Physical exercise
  • Recreation, pursuing interests and socialising
  • Sleeping
  • Mind mapping
  • Soothing music (e.g. Mozart, new age)
  • Read and observe more

Just to add, I am not crazy. You’ve misunderstood if you think that I’ve constructed a daily regimen consisting of the above.
Logen

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02/3/08

Procrastinating Again

The solution to inaction, most sensibly, is action. Yet, while I say this, I cannot bring myself to open the Microeconomics textbook.

The reasons are a combination of simple ones. Firstly, I’m procrastinating because I have better things to do. Secondly, I know for sure that I have four heavy chapters uncovered and the thought of it makes me want to forget it. Lastly, because of my unproductive attitude, I may as well postpone studying to a later date when my brain will be more receptive to the information learnt.

I know that these reasons are stupid. But do tell me if you ever find a sensible reason to procrastinate.

Logen

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01/26/08

The Music I Listen To

People have been asking about the kind of music I listen to. With a quick check on my cellphone, which doubles as a music player, here are the bands and artistes:

  • Within Temptation
  • Groove Coverage
  • Cascada
  • Nightwish
  • Gavin DeGraw
  • David Bowie
  • Alice Cooper
  • The Beatles
  • Simon and Garfunkel
  • Annie Lenox
  • Story of the Year
  • Celine Dion
  • D.H.T
  • Ayumi Hamasaki
  • Ambeon
  • Chiodos
  • Liz Phair
  • DJ Styles
  • Rihanna
  • DJ Crawford

My favourite band is Within Temptation. If you know me for long enough, you’d know that I love to dwell in fantasies. The music by Within Temptation allows me to catch glimpses of my own world, the world I had created when I felt lonely. As much as the world of Harry Potter appeals to me, it is also not my place of belonging.

Let me digress a little. I’ve realised in these few weeks that I should never be ashamed of being myself. I had forgotten about this simple quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”. Never again.

The below video is an edit of the movie Labyrinth, coupled with the song, Somewhere by Within Temptation. Oh yes, if anyone is wondering what contact juggling is, it is shown in the video.

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“I’ll find you somewhere…

I’ll keep on trying, untill my dying day…”

Somewhere by Within Temptation

Logen

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01/15/08

My Intepretation of Depression

I’ve spoken about depression in my last few entries. Before my words are misconstrued, here is my intepretation of what depression essentially entails. Depression is an overwhelming sense of anger, despair, or sadness that persists for over two weeks. It has the power to destroy a person’s sense of being and personality.

On this basis, from Secondary 3 onwards, I had an onslaught of despair and sadness, lasting for up to six months. It ceased for several weeks before repeating itself. Despite small relapses, I recovered between the end of 2006 and start of 2007. These relapses are seldom as acute, but if I get paranoid about them being permanent, it become agony.

Thusfar, I’ve avoided talking about my triggers. I’m afraid to be judged for them and admit myself to be oversensitive. Those triggers have a life of their own. It’s not unlike looking at an old photo and having a video montage of happy memories replaying in your mind. Contrary to happiness, those memories cause me misery.

Enough said. I’ve exhausted my braincells and my body is aching for sleep. To my ever-so-silent readers, do give me feedback on what you like and dislike about my site. Suggest topics that you’d be interested to read about.

Good night.

Logen

P.S. Mandy I’ll post the meme you tagged me on another entry, on another day.

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