Why do we celebrate new years? Won’t there be newer new years the next year.

And when does a new year become old? Isn’t a new year new for 365 days (or 366 days in a leap year).

Above all, is there a purpose to create new year resolutions yearly when one does not act on them.

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Nevertheless, I resolve to:

• be more assertive
• adopt a confident, calm and relaxed attitude
• exercise regularly
• maintain my appearance regularly
• conquer my fear of cockroaches and any other creatures with more than 4 legs, bigger than a 20 cent coin and living on land
• stop procrastinating (or finding excuses to procrastinate)

Logen L.

This will be the last entry for year 2008 and I wish everyone a happy new year. I will be away tomorrow for a chalet and barbeque party.

On another note, I started out the school vacation with hefty goals. Some of these goals, I have selectively neglected in order to focus on other seemingly important goals. It pains me to say my focus on ‘important’ goals is my excuse for procrastination.

I have, for the past week, focused on developing my domain names to gain traffic, and consequently earn the US$10 by year-end. I will likely fail. For the first week, I was more productive in tackling the goals of being more confident and having better fitness. By the third week, motivation has dwindled.

However, let me acknowledge my efforts. I now know that with constant training, it is much easier to complete 2.4km jog at a faster pace. I now know that by shutting out the negative voices, I can struggle doing unsuccessful pull ups for 15 times in front of other users of the fitness corner without fear of being judged. I now know that I can be decisive and firm in my decisions without fear of being disliked. I now know that changing the way I breathe can influence an onset of emotions, just as an onset of emotions can influence breathing.

My job is half done. I simply have to kill certain habits and learn new ones to exude confidence and be a fitter person. Some things I have yet to practice: be assertive, walk without dragging my feet and stop procrastinating out of fear.

Allow me now to move on to the last stage of confidence; appearance. I was told that I looked sloppy in terms of dressing sometimes. I agree. And I neglect the growth of my hair even more. I agree as well.

I’ll definitely strive to look less sloppy. But I won’t give up on my anime hairstyle fetishes and my eccentric choices in clothing.

So, whose hairstyle to choose: Uchiha Madara (or Sasuke) or Yondaime Hokage? My hair still isn’t long enough… and I can’t seem to forget that bloody hair dresser who butchered my long hair.

Chants mantra: don’t forgive but forget… don’t forgive but forget… don’t forgive but forget

Logen L.

Nearly an hour ago, I’ve been frightened nearly to death. While I was using the laptop, something flew past my head. Immediately recognising the sound to belong to a cockroach, I let out a horrible scream and dashed out of the room.

My mum and sis came out of the room, and asked for the source of commotion. I told them, “There’s a kazua (cockroach) in my room!”. I ran into the kitchen arming myself with two cans of bug sprays.

Standing at the door to my room, I looked around and began spraying furiously, not knowing where the cockroach was. Suddenly, that big bugger scurried across the room to under my bed, making me yell twice. My mum and sis who were standing behind me jumped.

After many more screaming and yelling and spraying, the cockroach lay almost dead. I used a stick to shift it out from under the bed and it began kicking. I let out some more screams, ran out of the room and laughed at myself while crying. I reentered the room and used Baygon to spray on its legs till it kicked less vigorously.

Right now, I can’t stop looking around my room to check for anymore roaches. I’m scared out of my wits man…

Both my legs are conveniently positioned so that I can run again. My ears are extra sensitive to ticking noises that cockroaches make when twitching their feelers. And when I used the bathroom, I sprayed Baygon into it.

Maybe I  should focus on eliminating this fear for now. After all, I’m bound to meet these flying demons during NS.

Logen L.

On the night before Christmas, I met up with Harris to talk. Eventually during the wee hours of the morning, I asked him for an honest impression of the image I portray. I wanted to know if there was something I did not already know about myself.

Of the image, I told him to break it into the categories of appearance, verbal image and behaviour (body language-wise).

This was what I learnt that was new.

When with a group of friends who are conversing, I appear generally confident, though quiet. I portray an indifferent, cavalier (can’t-be-bothered) attitude. He rightly surmised that I wasn’t keen in joining the conversation because my interests varied from the group.

However, when I walk, he says that I drag my feet and attempt to hide my ass by adjusting my body posture. It reveals my lack of confidence. What’s new here is the info about me dragging my feet while walking.

In terms of my speaking voice, I talk so softly that I tend to lean in closer to the person to make myself heard.

Finally, when speaking of my appearance, he generalised that my dress-sense is sometimes sloppy.

The feedback was invaluable as it gave me insights about how I appear to others. And it does give indications on my subconscious concerns.

Other than the feedback, I realised confidence comprises the ability to stand up for your rights. After all, confidence is doing what you want, when you want to, uninhibited by judgment. This freedom of action must come hand-in-hand with being assertive.

Oh well. Merry Christmas. The last 2 minutes before its over in Singapore.

Logen L.

There are some things in my life list I want to strike off. I’ve found ways to achieve them, but lack the time to take action now.

Three project deadlines are next week, and the common test is the week after. School is not only a mundane routine, but also stressful. I seem to be losing track of time. I wake up the next day tired and in my groggy state of mind I believe that a few days have passed over night. Sighs.

At least I have resolved some of pessimism for now. The life list to me, is more than crucial. I await the holidays…

Logen L.

I’m going to pull myself together and fix away the emptiness. I’ll recreate reality.

If I do not do so, circumstance will coerce me into being a bitter recluse.

To all those I have done wrong to, I apologise and will sincerely make amends. To all those who have done wrong to me, I’ll do my best to forgive.

However, don’t take advantage of my silence as consent. And don’t ask me questions I don’t want to answer.

Logen L.