The Imbalance of Tears and Fears

The week leading up to my relapse was pure agony. I seem to have forgotten how I crawled out of the abyss two years ago. But with the relapse, I’m remembering some details on the arduous journey. During this period, I was in a contemplative mood on my good days and on other days, I had spasm of fears and tears. The following reflects my thoughts in the course of recovery. Like the thunder storms that occur as nature’s way of correcting imbalances, life is the same. Our saddest moments indicate issues unresolved lurking within our minds, awaiting corrective action. When facing these problems, it’s good to take a proactive and contemplative approach. Through objective contemplation, we learn the causes of our distress. And with the cause known, we...

Between Depression and Recovery

This is really a first for me. My mind fluctuates between depression and recovery. It was the same a few days ago. All I know is I’m acting like a mentally ill person. I had a good breakdown a few hours ago, berating myself while sobbing. As predicted, I’m getting waves of paranoia and moments of terror. It’s coming soon. I feel it. I can avert part of it but the rest might just kill me. On my side stands only one person, me. While the faceless enemy is a thousand times the stars in the sky. Maybe I’m not having the right perspective now. I don’t know. My will is strong but the mind is greatly diminished, exhausted. I hope this will cease before desperation kicks in. Desperate people do desperate things. Logen