My aunt died of breast cancer last Monday, leaving behind her husband and two daughters; one of whom is my god-sister. I wasn’t told until I booked out of the god damn military camp. Because of tradition and custom, my family most regrettably cannot attend her funeral as we are still in mourning.
I was not particularly close to this aunt of mine. But I had stayed at her house on several occasions when I was a kid. She was always pleasant.
I have not yet seen my god-sister. And I know that she isn’t taking it well. I would go ballistic if I were her. Nothing I say will be able to bring back her mother. And no words will comfort her.
Less than a month ago, I had to watch my granddad die and now, my aunt. How many more deaths do I have to face? Asking why is fruitless. There is no one who can answer that. God doesn’t exist.
Loneliness is not a bad experience if you were lonely for most part of your life. Being alone can be a tranquil feeling. The problem occurs when you let people in and forge a genuine bond with them. Breaking the thread that entwine two hearts or more is terrible. The roaring silence and the dark empty void consumes you. You sit within the darkness and the shadows reach out, grabbing you with their cold, cold palms. You have no choice but to accept their embrace and comfort. And you join the ranks of those who no longer want to feel love and ultimately pain.
People have their vices. And they use their vices to forget; alcohol, sex, cutting, drugs and so on.
The reality of life is that we are lonely individuals who are born alone and die alone. The people who support us and love us will ultimately die off. If they don’t die, they reject you. Life is a joke and a game that you cannot win. The end result and destination is death. Hope, dreams and love allow you to last longer in the game. And the most you gain out of the game are extra fleeting moments of happiness, sadness, satisfaction, discomfort and pain.
Maybe its the extra time that matters. I don’t know…