I was talking to someone a while ago about a friend who seemed depressed at that time. This friend whom had hit a low, was usually so cheerful and lively. It therefore was unusual to see her exceptionally withdrawn.
I told my conversation partner that some people laugh so that they can ward off the sadness within. When circumstance is hopeless and unchangeable, people surpass the stage of crying and laugh instead. The bitter laugh of misery.
Laughter temporarily allows them to forget their sorrows. Though odd, they sometimes laugh at nothing or little things. It is just the way they cope with life; the way they try to see the light rather than the dark.
She then asked me whether my talk on ‘laughter being a mask’ was referring to myself. I simply smiled and shrugged.
I do use laughter as a subconscious coping mechanism. However, most recently, I find it difficult to have a good genuine laugh. And perhaps I lost the ability to cry as well. Even then, I feel myself escaping into my world of fantasy, in which I was abandoned as a child into this dimension of the world. Time and again, I search for the gate to return to the dimension I belong to but can never find it.
Bad memories of the past are coming back to haunt me and I fear one day I would succumb to those thoughts. I remember the times when I was powerless against the teasing at school. I felt pathetic for not having the guts and tenacity to fight back.
My fears on the future aren’t pleasant as well. I doubt circumstance will grant me the happiness I desire. My simple want of having family and friends by my side may shatter. Before it shatters and hurts me, I’d rather abandon them than be abandoned.
Sorry for being so bitter. But when you were once scorned before, you’d harden your exterior to prevent your spirit from being hurt again. You learn to wear a mask, and become an actor. Sometimes, you get so caught up that you forget who you really are.
Thankfully, I live my life as close to who I am as I can…
I may be an oddity, but I am who I am.
[ fanvideo made by Rainbow610 ]
Logen L.
Izzit just me or is there mass depression going on?
lol. We’re synchronising our depression. Haha.
Something like that, lol. It’ll go away. hopefully.
Hello Emo rangers
cheer up man.
think about those hair that lost their space on ur scalp. . they tried so hard to make u happie. . cheer up for their sake. .
aniwae, quoating zw
“Dude, can you hear my spikes teasing your slope? LOL”
LOL
aniway, bravo to the simplest english u have ever written. . hope the messages gets across well. .
No la not simple, he just cant think of any other words to sub them =.=v
hey, long time no see! still have that old wisdom in you, huh? i was reading this post and i realized how much what you just said meant in my life, especially right now.
Thanks loads for writing what i think , even though i haven’t been here for a while.
Harris, nothing beats plain english if you want to be understood. 🙂
Sometimes, I don’t want to be understood. And at other times I try to be literary in my writing. That is another story. lol.
Zhi Wei, there are always words to replace words. Few people find appropriate words. While others try to impress their own ego. And there be some who are still finding a style of words they like.
Hi Champa 😀
though we haven’t corresponded for a while, I hope you’re doing well.
I suppose you find the part about how the past is haunting, quite relatable? I’m doing my best to rise above the past. Sometimes I succeed; other time I fail. 🙂
Anyway, everyone has some form of wisdom in them. It takes insight and reflection on one’s experiences to evoke it. And it takes some thought to put it in words.
All the best.
Logish : “Anyway, everyone has some form of wisdom in them. It takes insight and reflection on one’s experiences to evoke it.”
U UNDERSTAND ME SO WELL!!
I think everyone got that depression thing.It’s just a part of us when we grow up.Somehow I feel quite bad about something,you know..You go and read her blog..
-.- Ya Zhiwei, but you lack reflection.
Hi Dan-san, about that thing… We should not drag it out longer. While I’m not saying that we should forget everything, I think we should forgive and try to compromise a little.
Less people will get hurt. After all, I believe her determination to change is sincere. Perhaps, it is our turn to allow it to happen and be proven.
Update Bitch, more life stories please.