These days, when I hear the phone ring I automatically think that there’s bad news. My mind wonders if it should prepare itself for another person’s death.

People are born only with the final destination of death. Where there were hopes and dreams, there is now a melancholic reality that death is the final outcome. Everywhere, there is death. There was news of a young man dying in the military today. And the fact is, people die everyday.

More often, I see the death of my loved ones, my friends and my camp-mates. I envision them within a coffin and I don’t know how to deal with it.

And it is as if I can’t get the image of my granddad being mechanically pushed into the crematorium fires. I’ve been searching for videos of that scene; of a coffin being cremated by computerized machinery. And I get confused as to whether I have come to terms with the death of my granddad.

Maybe it is because it has been only a week. I should give it more time. And I shouldn’t isolate myself from friends. I’m killing myself with the insanity within.

Logen