Life has so far been cycles of denial and clarity. At times, we lose motivation and drift, ignorant and cavalier about our destination. I’m happy that I have once again found clarity because denial makes a person a stranger towards himself. And someone who doesn’t know himself, will never find satisfaction.
In the past months, I tried to live a perfectionist lifestyle but failed miserably. Somehow, I have this need to be perfect. Whenever I do not uphold a high standard, I tend to give up; lose motivation. I subconsciously lied to myself about the merits of perfection and the possibility of attaining them. And through this deadly form of denial, I began to lose myself, drifting aimlessly in a darkened abyss.
My weakness lies in being too ambitious and when things don’t go my way, I either shut it out or flee from it. My fear of the truth doesn’t help. Eventually I do face it and marvel at how prominent the solution is. I just was too distracted to see what was there before…