Lately, I’ve noticed that my personality was rather elf-like. Capricious, to be exact. I could be laughing at one moment, but just as quickly my mood changes. And in honesty, my head has a hard time catching up with my moods. I’d love to be carefree and ever cheerful. However, it just isn’t realistic.
Sometimes, I’m plain loud with my boisterous laughter and crude ramblings, then I suddenly go quiet when I think about sad stuff. When that happens I pretend to be tired or hungry. It simplifies things really.
Anyway, I’ve avoided visiting my grandparent’s place for a few years. I didn’t want trouble caused because of my long hair and other stuff.
I was told today that my granddad was crying because he had missed me and thought that I no longer cared. I’ve always felt that my existence was valueless, since I’ve dissapointed his expectations. Well, I love him as ever. His health is becoming progressively worse and his memory to is failing him; the conditions of age.
It pains me to hear the way the message was conveyed: He wanted to see me before he left. I intend to do so soon. And I don’t think I can forgive myself if I lose that chance.
In any case, I know for sure, I’ll eventually dissapoint the expectations of my family…