Logish Paradox

The Balancing Act Of Life Over Work

The internship has robbed me of some time and sanity.

It is apparent that I want to have a calm state of mind. A mind so tranquil that it doesn’t go crazy when 9 small issues and 1 huge problem crops up at the same time.

In the last week, I took the first step and asserted to my colleagues the importance of Aikido to me. I’ve been going to classes regularly since then and have recently been awarded Blue belt. Somehow, Aikido allows me to focus on the opponent with a relaxed attitude and execute the techniques.

Today, I resumed my jogging routine. This step was crucial to ensure I was back on track towards my goal and things were becoming stable.

Aside from those two things which form my normal routine, I aim to meditate on emptiness more often. To detach from the ego and truly see the emptiness of form. Tomorrow, I shall try out Tai Chi at home. Once I’m more familiar with it, I might join the oldies downstairs to do Tai Chi every Sunday morning.

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What do I want from life? What do I seek?

I want to be contented and relaxed. I want a certain someone. I want to be financially stable through starting or buying over a business or even investing in property. I want to be mentally ready to die when my time comes, whether it is tomorrow, next year, next decade or whatever. Life is unpredictable and fear is a hindrance.

Logen L.

Towards The Land of Happiness

I want to seek my happiness in some foreign land. Somewhere where no one knows me.

It is the freedom to engage in my senses and follow my instincts unabashedly that lures me away from here. Here is the world of convention. Eccentricity is looked upon as a disease. People gossip as if they are perfect. In actual fact, they are diseased with fear.

They fear to become what they gossip about. They live in fear and carry the donkey across the narrow bridge just to please society. They complain that life is unfair, when they are contributing to the unfairness in another person’s life.

Where is compassion and understanding? Tell me.

Logen L.

The Reality of Life and Work

Since the internship began, I’ve been thinking a lot about work and life. I fear what the future entails.

Will I be the majority who devote all their time to work, just to earn money they don’t have time to spend. Will I trade my soul and happiness, just to earn that extra buck which I believe can buy me happiness.

From my first week as an audit intern, I see the stresses of working in one of the Big 4, especially during the peak period. Work-life balance is non-existent. Your life is your work.

I believe that we work to sustain our life. And we live life in want of happiness. There is no doubt in my mind that I’d choose a low paying job, so long as it keeps me happy.

I want to do something fulfilling. I want to have the little moments for some breathing space and to enjoy living within the moment. Unfortunately, most jobs in the finance sector do not allow for such necessities.

It falls on me to take action now. To build up a business from scratch…

Logen L.

First Week of An Audit Intern

The audit internship is much tougher than I expected. It is the peak period now, which lasts till June. I have been working overtime for this first week, without being paid for it!

I cannot accept that my time is no longer my time, especially when I do not get paid for it. I cannot accept that Fridays could mean exceptionally long overtime hours. I cannot accept that the tasks given to me are unpredictable and so last minute. I cannot accept skipping Aikido, which I have paid for just for overtime that I’m not being paid for. I’ve already fallen sick on Thursday and have been getting migraines on a daily basis.

I can confidently say now that auditing is not the job for me.

Thusfar, the internship has taught me that:

• Ngee Ann Poly has ridiculous reports and projects for us to prepare in conjunction with the internship
• when vouching for documents, wear gloves; you are prone to getting paper cuts when rushing.
• I’ve been scammed by the cab driver today, because he took the longer route to the client’s office.
• I cannot fit more than 50 sheets of paper into a hole-puncher.
• most people mistake me for a Malay because of my skin colour and talk to me in malay. ( I was damn pissed by the bloody cleaner who stated that I ought to know malay because I’m Singaporean and shows me his stupid attitude face. Fuck off toilet cleaner…)
• many cabbies and clients think I’m a foreigner (cabbies think I’m from India, USA and whatsoever, the client thought I was from Philippines)
• my temper rises steadily when given overtime on Friday, when I expressly informed them two days ago that I had something on.

Nonetheless, I also see the value of the audit internship because…

• it gives me a good foundation in understanding how businesses and the accounting process works ( I intend to start a business )
• it forces me to value the little time I have
• it forces me to learn to let go of small and big issues I face and live within the moment
• it means I won’t make the mistake of becoming an auditor in the future (it’s not the job, it’s the lack of personal time and unpredictability of daily workload that puts me off)
• it forces me to kick-start the businesses I intend to start

Logen L.

What Is Frienship…

For what it is worth, I enjoyed our friendship. Perhaps I was foolish to assume that friendship could be sustained with the knowledge that both parties would be there in times of need, yet not necessarily in times of want. Perhaps, you’re right, I have not put in my utmost to keep in touch.

I’ve changed, together with my life. I’m no longer like before when I could accede to your request to meet at a moment’s notice. Yet, I try my best to do so. Time is a scarce commodity especially this year. And time has great bearing on reality, a certain reality that will manifest.

Despite my actions (or inaction), I regard you still as one of my closest friends. However, lets face it, there is a rift between us at the moment. As much as I hope it mends, it is unlikely that we will speak to each other soon. So, let this be my last words (for now) to you…

I enjoyed our companionship through these years. I appreciate your presence when I needed to know someone still cared about my existence. I am honoured to have seen your tears through tough times. I maintain that despite what has happened, I will be there when needed.

Take care of your health and don’t let your hot temper hinder your good heart.

This reminds me about what I wrote in two person’s Christmas letter years ago, of which, one is still unread; impermanence is the only permanent thing in life. I’m sorry.

Logen L.

photo: http://flickr.com/photos/edalorzo/2285609188/sizes/m/