I watched him staring blankly into the space in front of him for hours. His mind was clearly elsewhere as he couldn’t hear us talking. He was hardly himself, walking around soulessly and hopelessly. He had lost his source of income.

For the whole day, he didn’t eat. He forgot that he hadn’t eaten.

He nearly got assaulted in the morning and I was told he was too distracted to even defend himself. There was someone holding back the would-be attacker. Otherwise, I don’t know what would have happened.

I wish I could tell him to leave the finances to me. But I cannot make the sacrifices. I’m selfish… I’m cold-hearted…

I have my wants and needs that seem unfulfilled. I feel empty sometimes.

I’m at a loss. It’s affecting me. And I’m exhausted. I really need a break.

At the same time, if the source of income doesn’t come back, my intuition tells me that a man without hope will want to end his suffering. I don’t wish to face that.

Life does not suck. Being alive sucks. The living suffer while walking to their graves…

I’ll think of something. I have to. I cannot allow my family to be shattered… I will not… I must act fast… I must not falter…

Logen L.