I’m still resentful of many things that happened in the past.
I remember being compared to other kids and made to feel inferior. When I was depressed, a person whom I felt was a confidant of power was taken from me by your unfair comparison. You were both blind to the pain I went through. I drank alcohol before I went to bed, so that I may find my release. But I never did release myself from the chains.
I couldn’t spend money as I liked because we were financially impaired. I resented how other kids could buy whatever they wanted. I was naive enough to believe in a better life. Sometimes, people ask why I’m so strange. Why is my imagination so over active. My imagination made my life worth living. It represented possibilities and things I’ve yet to feel in actuality. In truth, I had rather die in my sleep, forever living in my fantasy than to wake up to a living hell.
I wanted to talk to you both. However, I can’t. I simply wasn’t good enough, was I? I felt that my only worth to family were grades.
I had felt unwanted and unloved. I feared abandonment from close friends. So much so that I had once planned to cut people off before they cut me off.
I resented being teased in school. I often hoped to be run over by a moving vehicle while I crossed the road.
Why am I even crying while typing these words? I’ve tried so hard to run away from the past, yet it is catching up with me. I have not let go of the chains I’m enslaving myself with. I’m a damaged person. I feel like a broken toy; already outgrown my usefulness… Unable to find my happiness…