Contemplating On An Jing

I’m sure you know how certain songs can bring back nostalgic memories of the past. Unexpectedly I came across the song, An Jing on Zhi Wei’s blog. This song represented an era of time when I was young and stupid, between the secondary school years 2004 and 2005. I was in a class of crazy idiots who loved mandarin music, so naturally I was exposed to the mainstream mandarin music of that time.

While listening to the song after half a decade has passed, I’ve contemplated my journey in life and realise how much older and wiser I’ve become. I’ll soon graduate from polytechnic and reach the crossroads to decide the path I should pursue.

And by now I know, once you choose your path and leave behind the crossroads, you can never turn back. The bonds with the people you once cared for will be forgotten, because they become the relics of your past. When I have the time to reminisce, honestly, I miss my secondary school friends. However, even if we meet up, the tides of time have washed away our past and it becomes a meeting of strangers.

Somehow, I wish I could turn back time and become 15 again. I was depressed and feared abandonment back then. I had a crush on a certain someone and I hated myself for it. Now I wish I had at then possessed the guts to live the life I wanted and trust myself more. That’s the thing… until we’re free, we will never know how significantly we limit ourselves by our beliefs and thoughts.

Yet I cannot regret the choices I have made up until now. If I hadn’t made mistakes nor felt the turmoil of melancholy, I wouldn’t ┬áhave the insight I have now. The Logen today would not have existed.

I’ve made up my mind to enjoy my youth while I still possess it. I don’t want to sit down as an old man in the future, regretting that I hadn’t lived life sensuously and wildly; appreciating the cerulean skies, tasting the scent of the night breeze, feeling the heat from the sun, dancing spontaneously to life’s rhythms. To appeal to the senses while they are at their peak and when I’m still alive and healthy.

Logen L.