There is no doubt that my heart is still filled with gloom and negativity. But upon reflection, part of this melancholy is my doing. I feel out casted on the military island; but I realise that I didn’t put extreme effort to exert my personality to my army mates. I was withdrawn from the sad reality before me.
The loss of Aikido in my routine has removed certain anchors of tranquility.
Also, for being my quiet and yet flamboyant self, I am teased for being effeminate. I do not like to be taken back into the past where the same steely knife cuts into the very scars in my heart.
Yet, I feel thankful for possessing foresight to write a book of insights, which was meant to be read when I forget myself during the darkest of times. Reading that book reminded me of who I once was, why I was who I was and who I wanted to be.
I now await with impatience for the day I graduate from basic military school. Hopefully I get posted into a unit where I am able to return to Aikido and have the time to reflect on life.