I wrote this at school:

At no fault of mine; why do you hate me so?
Forsaken and feared; I am an animal in your eyes.

I ask nothing of you but friendship.
And in return, you renounce my name.

I. A monster whose tears meander in the cold;
A frightful experience indeed!
-Logen

I am having the Wednesday blues. The day began well but as it wore on I felt worse. After years of torment, I still get affected by the things people say. In my opinion, two things hurt the most; the truth and the anticipation of a bleak future. Both of which I happened to gain insight on.

I hate returning to these feelings. While running on the treadmill, I pictured myself losing my footing and the momentum hurls me towards the concrete wall, shattering my skull. A tad bit melodramatic and morbid, I’d think.

Equally sickening is the fact that I seek some form of validation from people. I’m too nice to friends who deserve a thorough telling-off from me. But due to my pathetic desire to feel wanted, I don’t. Is it wrong to want to feel wanted?

No matter. At least now I’m clear on the wherefores of my moods. Otherwise, it’ll be another day of melancholy.

Logen

P.S. Happy B’day mum.