I wrote this at school:
At no fault of mine; why do you hate me so?
Forsaken and feared; I am an animal in your eyes.
I ask nothing of you but friendship.
And in return, you renounce my name.
I. A monster whose tears meander in the cold;
A frightful experience indeed!
I am having the Wednesday blues. The day began well but as it wore on I felt worse. After years of torment, I still get affected by the things people say. In my opinion, two things hurt the most; the truth and the anticipation of a bleak future. Both of which I happened to gain insight on.
I hate returning to these feelings. While running on the treadmill, I pictured myself losing my footing and the momentum hurls me towards the concrete wall, shattering my skull. A tad bit melodramatic and morbid, I’d think.
Equally sickening is the fact that I seek some form of validation from people. I’m too nice to friends who deserve a thorough telling-off from me. But due to my pathetic desire to feel wanted, I don’t. Is it wrong to want to feel wanted?
No matter. At least now I’m clear on the wherefores of my moods. Otherwise, it’ll be another day of melancholy.
P.S. Happy B’day mum.