Last week, I decided to dress up differently (maybe too differently for some). I cannot pinpoint to a single reason as to why I did so. However, for sure I was tired of being so damn self-conscious of my eccentricities. And sick of people blatantly implying that I should conform to what is normal.
I can’t say I’m ashamed of being eccentric. Somehow, I glory in it because it proves my existence and it tells me who I am. Yet, after saying all that, I fear being judged and disliked.
This time, I wanted my dressing to be congruent with my thoughts and feelings. I wanted to see if I could deal with being criticised at a basic level. And you know what? It was excruciating. Experientially, I have finally found out, no matter what I do, people have something to say.
The things I heard, brought me back to the past where I was taunted for being effeminate. I don’t know… I felt devalued and worthless. I’m especially sensitive to whatever hints at me being effeminate.
Anyway, thanks to a few unique friends, I realised many things of value. I’m not going to give a damn about what people think…