Between Depression and Recovery

This is really a first for me. My mind fluctuates between depression and recovery. It was the same a few days ago.

All I know is I’m acting like a mentally ill person. I had a good breakdown a few hours ago, berating myself while sobbing. As predicted, I’m getting waves of paranoia and moments of terror.

It’s coming soon. I feel it. I can avert part of it but the rest might just kill me. On my side stands only one person, me. While the faceless enemy is a thousand times the stars in the sky. Maybe I’m not having the right perspective now. I don’t know.

My will is strong but the mind is greatly diminished, exhausted. I hope this will cease before desperation kicks in. Desperate people do desperate things.