What A Way To Start 2011
This year’s new year countdown with my friends was a letdown. My dragon villagers thought it fitting to head straight home after watching the countdown fire works at Marina Bay. I was misled into thinking that we would be partying at some club. I spent the transition of 2010 to 2011 (in the presence of an annoying crowd who kept pushing) contemplating in melancholy about the next one and a half year of my time wasted on national service. Dan-san and I decided to head for Chijmes to salvage the spoilt atmosphere after the countdown. We had pizza till 2am when the place closed and, on a whim, walked towards Clarke Quay. I felt like a dead person walking pass crowds of happy party-goers. Sure, there were many people walking in a drunken stupor, but better drunk...
Overdue Thoughts About Life
I wish I was normal. The common folk don’t get picked on, taunted nor disrespected. I don’t like the pain. I want to have someone I can call my own and this someone can help weather some of my burden. But I’m a broken person. Who would want someone like me? Who would want a burden? I merely want to have a place in this world; to know I have an equal opportunity to live my life happily. But no… They just cannot leave me alone. I must constantly be on guard against invalidation that cuts over old scars. Since, I cannot be at peace, I will make sure to drag those responsible into the very same abyss I have drowned in. I will make sure they will not breathe. I will make sure they will be blind and lose sight of a happy life. I want them to...
Christmas In Armour Indeed
This Christmas, I will be stuck in Armour Camp doing guard duty. While I’m not at all upset (considering that I will get a day off in lieu), I’m disappointed at having to miss out on the warm cosy feeling attached to this season. I miss celebrating Christmas with my fellow Dragon villagers. And I certainly miss watching the televised Christmas movies on the comfy couch, pretending that its snowing outside. However, this mandatory sacrifice will be worth it if I’m saved from doing guard duty on the Lunar New Year. Here are some things that are cheering me up: 1. Going for leisure trip to Thailand this Friday 2. Looking awesome when wearing the Jinbei delivered from Japan (Ebay) 3. Getting great bargains in Thailand 4. Enjoying the year-end 5-day...
Season Of Armour
The holiday season is here. Some time during my week-long stay in camp, Christmas decorations have crept up in shopping malls. It is certainly a refreshing change of scene from the same old boring armoured vehicles in my camp. During this unannounced hiatus, my military platoon has moved into the unit headquarters. This presents much of a challenge because the existing platoon at the headquarters are a rowdy bunch; one-eighth of them have visited detention barracks (which is another word for military prison). And my platoon’s task at hand is to prevent ourselves from being taken advantaged of. However, other than being constantly late, uncouth in their manner of speaking and arguing with the sergeants, they have gotten along with us quite well. After all,...
Hoping For A Sign
The numbness between the great bouts of melancholy relieves me temporarily of the pain and grudge. With a knack to censor my thoughts and words, my true feelings become confused with ambiguity. I don’t even know the wherefores of my pain because I fear the reality of what I will see. I need companionship; a listener who is unbiased by his or her judgments. I need to know what I have been doing wrong to deserve this. I need the courage to stand up to the undeserved crap. My god has crumbled beneath the pressure. And I am sinking slowly back into the abyss of depression, which I escaped from 4 years ago. I remember the Logens I have killed and re-awakened from the ashes. But it seems, this time, the ashes are mere ashes; the relic of the depressed teenager...
Halloween Plans
In my desperate attempt to be positive (and have things to look forward to), I am going to make plans for Halloween. I am torn between choosing something quiet among close friends and clubbing in outrageous costumes. Here are some of my plans: Dragon Village Halloween down at Clark Quay (with clubbing) This is to honour the first Halloween celebrated by my fellow poly-mates (villagers) whom I miss dearly. Karaoke at The Thai Pub If my poly friends see this post, please respond with your own suggestions or preference. Logen L.
Take Me To May Happy Place
I feel an immense sadness weighing upon me. I want to cry, but I cannot. I hate this curse in which I am victim. I have no avenues to speak. I can turn to no one. And each day I’m haunted by the voice in my head saying that I am not good enough. My emotions are in a whirl and yet I have maintained a facade of apathy and irritation for too long. I find it difficult to smile or laugh. Unlike my previous self, I now find it hard to trust and open up to people. The old Logen has died. Lately, I have been imagining my quietus and how easy it is to end the pain. I want to go to this place where I truly belong; somewhere that no one can find me. Maybe my happy place is six feet beneath the ground… Logen L.
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