04/8/11

Untitled Obsession

I miss you so much but you will not know it. I care too much about your life and your privacy. And therein lies the reason for behaving as uninterested as I have been.

Truth be told, I want to know more about your life, your likes, your wants, your dislikes and your fears. Yet, I have not asked. I am taking this too seriously, am I not? I am a freak… A sad freak…

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Logen L.

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04/7/11

I Am Stupid

I might seem cold and practical to you. You might find it hard to build rapport with me, and I believe you have given up. In my defense, it is in my affection for you that I’ve built a wall. I now know its a tad bit unnecessary and I’ve been bleeding paranoid.

Even then, there’s someone else. I know there is.

I feel stupid for feeling this way about you. I am an idiot. I let my emotions get involved.

But how not to when I’ve observed how tenderly and playfully you treat your friends. How not to when I’ve witnessed your cavalier and carefree spirit. How not to, when I’ve tasted your lips.

Logen L.

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03/6/11

Emotional Detachment And Secrets

Time and time again, I question the wherefores of my existence. Within this eternal struggle of ego tussles and prejudice, the want of a happy life is but a childish dream.

I subconsciously push people away at times, as I feel no purpose to have emotional attachment to family and friends. One day, they will leave. Some will leave due to the law of impermanence that governs this world. Others will choose to leave. Of the latter, I will feel the pain of abandonment. And it is this pain, which I prefer to prevent.

Do I love the people whom I love (and will come to love) despite my denial of attachment? Yes I do. Am I fiercely loyal to these people? Yes I am. But perhaps drifting away is for the better.

The essence of my being is clandestine and hence a life of secrecy and ambiguity.

Where will the future take me?

Logen L.

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02/27/11

Wasting My Time For Idiots

I give up. Why should I conduct events for a bunch of indecisive and unappreciative idiots who cannot keep their words? Enough is enough. One by one, at the last minute, I have people canceling their attendance.

Once bitten, twice shy. In the future, I will just meet with my friends and have an awesome time. No need for me to keep calling, no need to stress, no need to keep track of who’s coming at whatever time, no need to waste my time and no need to waste my effort. You guys can just fuck yourselves and organise your own cohesion.

Logen L.

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02/13/11

Pet Peeves About Certain Bunkmates

Honour Your Promises

When one makes promises, they are expected to honour their words. I have bunk mates whose words amount to lip service. Talk is cheap.

They cavalierly confirm that they will attend a gathering, but back out at the last minute. Common excuses include: I have to drive my friends home, I am currently out of the country and cannot make it back in time because my friends have prolonged their stay.

They blame their friends in order to break commitments. Pray tell, why the fuck are you meeting your friends before you have to attend the gathering. You mean you couldn’t have foreseen any delays. Are you so fucking retarded that you do not know your friend’s habits to delay?

Disrespectfully Taking Me For Granted

I am not your mama shop. You want hair wax or tissues, go fucking buy your own. I am not trying to be selfish here, but the reality is this, I buy my supplies for my own use. But week after week, you have been asking me for supplies for your use. Am I supposed to spend more and buy extras just to accommodate your needs?

I am not your servant. Don’t you push me towards the queue and boss me around to queue for you. Is your dick so puny that you have to sit down at the side? All talk and no action asshole. You slack around and sleep. Thereafter, you strut like a bitch, shaking your ass and open your pussy lips to boss your fellow bunkmates(who have been busy cleaning arms or doing chores) around. When you are caught slacking, you whine.

Respecting My Privacy

If you want to use my belongings, ask for my permission first. Privacy and respect are important to me. If you have no decency to ask, then fuck off far away from my belongings.

Pissing Me Off When I Am Trying To Relax

If you have nothing to tell me, then stop calling out my name. I will fucking box your teeth out.

Logen L.

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02/6/11

Body Language And My Businesses

These days, I’ve been studying body language; how to read people through their behaviour and how to alter my own body language to enhance my communication prowess. I have trouble recalling the individual non-verbal indicators and therefore shall try to summarise similarities in these indicators into a mindmap or chart. Thereafter, I have to practice base-lining the body language of individuals, while analysing if their speech is congruent with their behaviour.

This goal of mine is far from being accomplished. And I have decided to make a project out of it on my other site at iKinesics.

Besides body language, I have been working on two new businesses. One of them is an addition of a new domaining business model to my current domain names business. The other is a partnership with my military camp-mate on promoting fitness and skin products. Hopefully, these two avenues will eventually enable me to supplement the measly military allowance.

In light of progressing in the goals above, I have neglected studying Thai. Time is, honestly, out of my hands; a sad fact of being enlisted in the army as a stay-in personnel for 5 days a week.

To worsen matters, my eczema condition has gotten slightly bad. Even though I have doubled the dosage of antihistamines, I end up scratching my arms and neck when asleep due to the intense itching. I am frightened at what field camp would do to my condition. Raw bleeding skin and mud do not mix well. We’ll see on Monday…

Logen

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02/5/11

Gong Xi Fa Cai At Zouk, Phuture and Nana

Last year, I missed clubbing on Christmas day. This year, I missed clubbing on New Year’s Eve. But! the partying at Zouk this Chinese New Year more than makes up for whatever I missed.

After an uneventful visit to my grandmother’s place (where my family traditionally gathered on Lunar New Year), I contacted some of my clubbing buddies. With many dismal responses, I was almost sure that my night would be quiet. Yet, at the last few hours, I managed to gather with Mandy and the twins (with their family and friends) at Zouk.

If you do not already know, I do not usually go to Zouk and Phuture as I dislike the place. Too crowded and average music. However, this time was different. Mandy and I broke off from the group at Phuture for a while and headed to Zouk. The trance music was awesome. And since it was Chinese New Year, the dance floor (ironically) was not that packed. We watched the crowd for some time, danced wildly when Stereo Love was on and headed outside for a smoke.

Who would have thought that we’d run into Florence, whom which I caught up with before parting ways.

Upon returning to Phuture to rejoin the group, we moved into the crowded dance floor dancing to many remixed hits. At one point, Rowena couldn’t stand the pain from dancing in heels that she took them off. One by one, we began to take off our shoes to dance.

Thereafter, Mandy and I decided we needed more drinks. We both had Snow White and the Seven Dwarves at Zouk’s bar. We were toasting our shots. The first was to eternal happiness, the second to great awesome sex, and I don’t remember the rest. At the height of our high, we returned to the dance floor at Phuture. Ten minutes later, the bloody lights came on. The partying was over at 3am!

In the end, Guan Kai, Mandy and I moved on to the Thai Disco, Nana, near Chinatown. Guan Yu and Nicholas didn’t join us probably because they got lucky. Haha. Here’s a little commentary about Nana. The place is reminiscent of the disco I went to back in Thailand. The live band performance was pure awesomeness. And they had Thai girls in skimpy outfits strutting about. I kept telling Mandy, ‘Imagine if we headed out of the backdoor and ended up in Thailand’.

The total damage in expenses for Mandy and me (at Zouk, Phuture and Nana) is summed up as follows: Taxi fare (around $38 total), Donation to Make A Wish Foundation in lieu of free entry to Zouk and Phuture ($12), 1 Jug of Vodka Cranberry ($52), Super Flaming Lambo ($28), beers (with some Chivas dripped in, complements of Mr Tan Guan Kai $28), Snow White and the Seven Dwarves ($52) and a jug of Whiskey Soda ($38).

That’s at least $100 from each of us. When’s the next partying session?

Happy Lunar New Year my friends.

Logen

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