Don’t Mistake Your Curiosity For Concern

Get off your high horses dear friends and stop patronising me. I have never imposed my values and beliefs on you. Nor have I told you how you should live your life and belittle your struggles. So back off the next time you have some arrogant bullshit to tell me when I confide my private life with you. I don’t need you to fix me. I need a friend.

Life takes you to places and amidst the journeying there is suffering and self-fulfillment. Often the suffering and pain surpasses the self-fulfillment, especially when the life you seek is unconventional. It is a sad sad world. And we need the people in our lives to be more accepting to our eccentricities, more supportive of our dreams and less judgmental to our struggles.

It is difficult to find people who share the desire for an unconventional life, contradictory to what society expects. It is just as difficult to find friends who would listen to your struggles for happiness without lashing out judgment.

Truth be told, the people we call ‘friends’ talk too damn much when what you need is a respite from life’s miseries and someone to listen (and be with you in the moment). When your body language leaks melancholy, these people ask about your well-being out of curiosity, not care nor concern. They judge your problems as though they know you and know every factor of struggle in your life. They belittle your struggles and tell you they’ve been through worse or that there are people in this world who are unluckier.

What arrogance, ignorance and insensitivity… Is it necessary to compete on whose life is more fucked up when someone gives their trust and confides their issues? Why the hell do you think therapists are paid to listen? Yes, that’s right. People talk too damn much.

Be a friend. While curiosity isn’t a sin, making ignorant criticisms as a byproduct of your curiosity is a sad excuse for care and concern. Learn to shut up and listen, control the urge to judge where judgment is unnecessary and lend support by being there. People already know the answers to their problems and need limited input. Agree to disagree and accept that there will always be stubbornly different views. Instead, give them the respite from pain and the strength to move forward in life.



4 Triggers To Take Action For My Future

My stint in Singapore during the interim between the two military exercises has been unproductive. I meant to return focused on the business and my interests for these 17 days. Yet, the procrastinator within has won.

Nonetheless, these recent events have re-sparked my passion.

(1) Freedom from the army is near (next year)

Free from the military in May 2012, I have to decide what to do with life. Which route should I take towards my coffin? I have thought of this numerous times and most of my options are unusual.

As said before, I do not want to lead a conventional life; walking on a path paved by the masses who are frightened at expressing their individual views because society frowns upon anything different.

I want to find my own happiness, in my own way.

(2) Financial Planning Seminar organised by my OC (Officer Commanding)

Years ago, after an inspiring read of the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, I sought to take action on becoming financially independent. I am not yet at my goal and have strayed off the path slightly. The seminar has given me a refreshed perspective and reminded me to persevere in my dreams to turn my current business into stable profits.

(3) Stories of a travelling friend

With a sense of nostalgia, Shi Hui retold the stories during her solo travel to America. Lost for directions in life, hoping to find herself and her way, Shi Hui travelled around the States for a month. She came back happier, lighter, knowledgeable about herself as a person but no more certain of the future than she was when she left.

This was the same of me when I returned from Thailand from my solo travel last year. It changed my life.

I want to do a solo trip again. I also want to lead a lifestyle that entails travelling many times in one year.

(3) Life lessons from a cab driver

I met Victor, my driver, when taking the cab home from Mustafa Centre. Now in his mid-forties, Victor has an unconventional take on politics, Singapore racism history and life. I share many of his views.

Even though I had reached home, I stayed in the cab and we were talking for at least 10 minutes.

He was happily married to a Taiwanese wife and has permanent residency at both Canada and Taiwan. His kids, similar to me, are of mixed Indian-Chinese heritage. And he is back in Singapore while his son completes National Service.

From what we spoke of, Victor lived his life away from Singapore. With just $100, he left for Amsterdam and ended up working at a firm in the Silicon Valley. He has retired. He fought for his place in this world and his happiness. He spoke of the hunger for success and hope for a better life.

Our conversation gave me valuable insights for my own path. And allowed me to believe this life I am seeking is within reach. His advice was about hunger for success and the guts and aggression to seize your desires in an unfair world.



Wasting My Time For Idiots

I give up. Why should I conduct events for a bunch of indecisive and unappreciative idiots who cannot keep their words? Enough is enough. One by one, at the last minute, I have people canceling their attendance.

Once bitten, twice shy. In the future, I will just meet with my friends and have an awesome time. No need for me to keep calling, no need to stress, no need to keep track of who’s coming at whatever time, no need to waste my time and no need to waste my effort. You guys can just fuck yourselves and organise your own cohesion.

Logen L.


Pet Peeves About Certain Bunkmates

Honour Your Promises

When one makes promises, they are expected to honour their words. I have bunk mates whose words amount to lip service. Talk is cheap.

They cavalierly confirm that they will attend a gathering, but back out at the last minute. Common excuses include: I have to drive my friends home, I am currently out of the country and cannot make it back in time because my friends have prolonged their stay.

They blame their friends in order to break commitments. Pray tell, why the fuck are you meeting your friends before you have to attend the gathering. You mean you couldn’t have foreseen any delays. Are you so fucking retarded that you do not know your friend’s habits to delay?

Disrespectfully Taking Me For Granted

I am not your mama shop. You want hair wax or tissues, go fucking buy your own. I am not trying to be selfish here, but the reality is this, I buy my supplies for my own use. But week after week, you have been asking me for supplies for your use. Am I supposed to spend more and buy extras just to accommodate your needs?

I am not your servant. Don’t you push me towards the queue and boss me around to queue for you. Is your dick so puny that you have to sit down at the side? All talk and no action asshole. You slack around and sleep. Thereafter, you strut like a bitch, shaking your ass and open your pussy lips to boss your fellow bunkmates(who have been busy cleaning arms or doing chores) around. When you are caught slacking, you whine.

Respecting My Privacy

If you want to use my belongings, ask for my permission first. Privacy and respect are important to me. If you have no decency to ask, then fuck off far away from my belongings.

Pissing Me Off When I Am Trying To Relax

If you have nothing to tell me, then stop calling out my name. I will fucking box your teeth out.

Logen L.


Knowing More About Myself

Being in camp for 5.5 days straight each week has taught me a lot about myself. One, I have an anxiety issue  and lack confidence when it comes to learning and executing drills (or anything that requires coordination). Two, I allow people to step all over me because I believe I should always be nice. Three, I have constant anxiety over upcoming events.

Frankly speaking, I have no idea how I will get through the next 20 months of military life. However, I know for sure that I have got to step out of my safe zone and return to my noisy self. I must not allow people to step all over me.

I am exhausted; honestly fatigued from the insane regimented schedule that provides for less than 7 hours of sleep and lack of expressive output.

Hopefully, when I receive my posting, things will become better. Until then, I remain doubtful. I will be flying off alone to Thailand after graduating from Basic Military Training to rest, reflect, relax and recharge. I want to decide on my course of action and perhaps do some domaining business there and write some short stories at the cafe.

Note: I am graduating from Basic Military School on October 2nd.

Logen L.


Destiny Is Created By Pain

There is no doubt that my heart is still filled with gloom and negativity. But upon reflection, part of this melancholy is my doing. I feel out casted on the military island; but I realise that I didn’t put extreme effort to exert my personality to my army mates. I was withdrawn from the sad reality before me.

The loss of Aikido in my routine has removed certain anchors of tranquility.

Also, for being my quiet and yet flamboyant self, I am teased for being effeminate. I do not like to be taken back into the past where the same steely knife cuts into the very scars in my heart.

Yet, I feel thankful for possessing foresight to write a book of insights, which was meant to be read when I forget myself during the darkest of times. Reading that book reminded me of who I once was, why I was who I was and who I wanted to be.

I now await with impatience for the day I graduate from basic military school. Hopefully I get posted into a unit where I am able to return to Aikido and have the time to reflect on life.



Being A Soldier, No Longer A Civilian

Upon enlisting into the army, I find less and less time for myself, my family and my friends. For the sake of adapting, I’ve ignored the fact that time no longer belongs to me. I’ve also been fooling myself to believe that the army is a choice I’ve made rather than a circumstance foisted onto my shoulders.

I feel exhausted, like I’ve never been before. Even then, I try not to complain. My motto is to do my best for situations that are salvageable and remain calm if the situation is unchangeable.

I now realise that in the army, the question to be asked was never: “How am I to survive this?”. The key to surviving unpleasant circumstances is to shut off the thought process, go with the flow of the training program and take a step at a time.

There is bound to be negativity associated with each step of the training, but forget and let go off the negative experience; take each step as a completely new journey. That way, time doesn’t feel prolonged. Before you know it, days, weeks or even months have passed.