The audit internship is much tougher than I expected. It is the peak period now, which lasts till June. I have been working overtime for this first week, without being paid for it!

I cannot accept that my time is no longer my time, especially when I do not get paid for it. I cannot accept that Fridays could mean exceptionally long overtime hours. I cannot accept that the tasks given to me are unpredictable and so last minute. I cannot accept skipping Aikido, which I have paid for just for overtime that I’m not being paid for. I’ve already fallen sick on Thursday and have been getting migraines on a daily basis.

I can confidently say now that auditing is not the job for me.

Thusfar, the internship has taught me that:

• Ngee Ann Poly has ridiculous reports and projects for us to prepare in conjunction with the internship
• when vouching for documents, wear gloves; you are prone to getting paper cuts when rushing.
• I’ve been scammed by the cab driver today, because he took the longer route to the client’s office.
• I cannot fit more than 50 sheets of paper into a hole-puncher.
• most people mistake me for a Malay because of my skin colour and talk to me in malay. ( I was damn pissed by the bloody cleaner who stated that I ought to know malay because I’m Singaporean and shows me his stupid attitude face. Fuck off toilet cleaner…)
• many cabbies and clients think I’m a foreigner (cabbies think I’m from India, USA and whatsoever, the client thought I was from Philippines)
• my temper rises steadily when given overtime on Friday, when I expressly informed them two days ago that I had something on.

Nonetheless, I also see the value of the audit internship because…

• it gives me a good foundation in understanding how businesses and the accounting process works ( I intend to start a business )
• it forces me to value the little time I have
• it forces me to learn to let go of small and big issues I face and live within the moment
• it means I won’t make the mistake of becoming an auditor in the future (it’s not the job, it’s the lack of personal time and unpredictability of daily workload that puts me off)
• it forces me to kick-start the businesses I intend to start

Logen L.

For what it is worth, I enjoyed our friendship. Perhaps I was foolish to assume that friendship could be sustained with the knowledge that both parties would be there in times of need, yet not necessarily in times of want. Perhaps, you’re right, I have not put in my utmost to keep in touch.

I’ve changed, together with my life. I’m no longer like before when I could accede to your request to meet at a moment’s notice. Yet, I try my best to do so. Time is a scarce commodity especially this year. And time has great bearing on reality, a certain reality that will manifest.

Despite my actions (or inaction), I regard you still as one of my closest friends. However, lets face it, there is a rift between us at the moment. As much as I hope it mends, it is unlikely that we will speak to each other soon. So, let this be my last words (for now) to you…

I enjoyed our companionship through these years. I appreciate your presence when I needed to know someone still cared about my existence. I am honoured to have seen your tears through tough times. I maintain that despite what has happened, I will be there when needed.

Take care of your health and don’t let your hot temper hinder your good heart.

This reminds me about what I wrote in two person’s Christmas letter years ago, of which, one is still unread; impermanence is the only permanent thing in life. I’m sorry.

Logen L.

photo: http://flickr.com/photos/edalorzo/2285609188/sizes/m/

I made some updates through Twitter (Paradox Notes). But these messages have not appeared at all. Nevertheless, these are my the updates I made…

1. 13 Feb : I’m taking a break from studying. Going to enjoy today doing what I like.
2. 14 Feb : I’ve been attached to one of the big 4 for my auditing internship. Hopefully, the six months there will be fulfilling.
3. 14 Feb (4 hours later) : My timing for 2.4km was 11.34 mins (14 sec short of my 11.20 target). The problem was, my loose underwear fell off while jogging. Trust me, going commando beneath is an uncomfortable experience while continuing your jog.

This would be my last post till 26th of this month, the end of my last examination. I will be very busy even after.

• 1 March : Aikido Grading
• 2 March – 4 March : Auditing Internship Training
• 9 March : Actual commencement of internship (no leave for 6 months)

This means shopping for at least 4 sets of working clothes, a new slightly toned-down hairstyle and other essentials.

As much as I’m upset of having practically no vacation in-between the semesters, I will give my all for the internship and adopt a calm positive attitude. I have been advised not to blog about or mention the name of the company I’m attached to. That’s all.

Logen L.

I’ve been reading some insightful books. But within the last book below, are complicated concepts.

1. Roots of Terrorism – Kanti P. Bajpai
2. Training The Samurai Mind: A Bushido Source Book – Thomas Cleary
3. The Book of Wisdom: The Heart of Tibetan Buddhism – Osho

Roots of Terrorism is clear on how secessionist terrorism originated in some states of India. Training The Samurai Mind was laced with many unfamiliar words (I checked the dictionary countless of times) and because some of it was translated from late Bushido experts, the concepts spoken on needed me to make several inferences.

The killer of the whole lot was The Book of Wisdom, which was heavy on Buddhist concepts of enlightenment. Naturally, I could understand it on a limited theoretical level because I’ve never attained enlightenment. However, if I want total understanding of the concepts (e.g. emptiness), I have to experience them for myself. One can describe the colour red to a blind person, but for him to know the colour red, he has to experience it through his eyes.

Unfortunately I lack hindsight and as a result chose two relatively cheem (complicated) books for leisure reading. Nonetheless, these books contain useful knowledge for my ambitions…

Note: The sidebar has a new section called Paradox Notes. Look out for this section as I can update it on the go with my cell phone.

Logen L.

Starting from now till Tuesday, time will be scarce with the amount I have to do.

1. Business Ettiquette: Presentation on Wine Appreciation (prepare slides)
2. Finance and International Trade: Presentation on Dragon Village International Bank (prepare slides and meeting)
3. Business Communications: E-portfolio preparation and presentation
4. Complete some revision for the exams

I’m not going to complain…

I have to grit my teeth, battle my knack for procrastination, and succeed in the above things-to-do.

Ganbatte mina-san!

Logen L.

The O’ level results were released today. And initially, I thought it had nothing to do with me.

It turns out that my cousin was in the news for being one of the top students. Congrats Jharyathri!

Logen L.