11/25/08

Sense of Peace

Tranquil and calm, I gaze upon the Stygian skies. Nostalgia overcomes my soul.

I remember the days we roamed free, without a care of responsibilities.

Perched upon the ledge of a 40 storey building, we watched the darkened sky. The lightning that streaked across was not unlike a playful child. Till this day, I remember the smell of the wind.

Why, in this day and age, have we forgotten to use all our senses to experience the world? Are we slaves to modern living? Do we really fear that the world is an ugly place?

Life may be cruel, but this irony is beauty in itself.

Overwhelm your senses once in a while. You will see things in a different light.

Logen L.

11/11/08

Summoning Faith

Caught between light and dark. Even my world is starting to fade.

It is time I truly do something to defend my world, the place where I keep my sorrows and turn them to resolution.

Time to summon the god of destiny… me.

Logen L.

11/9/08

Split Personalities Within One

Why does it have to be so difficult?

Soon, I shall be driven insane by the two personalities within me. One who is sick with paranoia and anxiety; the other engulfed in a stifling sense of melancholy.

I attempt to walk towards the illuminated path, but it seems to get further away from me. The fog is setting in.

I await the day I recover my state of mind…

To be free.

Logen L.

10/29/08

Concussion During Aikido

I had my first session of Aikido as an Orange belt today. I ended up with a concussion near the end of the lesson.

We were practicing a variation of Tsuki, which involved a backward throw. Within mere seconds of lying on my back when the technique ended, someone was accidentally thrown onto me. That person’s head ended up hitting the temples of my head and I blacked out for some seconds.

While my eyes struggled to open, my seniors knelt by me and repeatedly asked if I was fine. Being in a daze, I couldn’t process their words for a while. Even after then it was difficult for me to respond as I had been breathing heavily.

Sensei came over and knelt down behind me. I’m not really sure what he did. But I can best describe it as pressing my pressure points. My eyes remained blank but were tearing. I’m not sure if it was from the pain, my thoughts or something else. Sensei then asked to move my eyes to different specific directions verbally.

It took me a few minutes to get up thereafter and I was accompanied by my partner outside.

Logen L.

10/28/08

This Week Is Ryugakure’s Week

Happy belated Deepavali to everyone.

The Dragon Village lunch will take place this Friday.

Starting on Wednesday, all villagers are expected to rehearse their Japanese etiquette of bowing and greeting. To guys who will be wearing the ‘samurai’ costume, we’ll practice tying the hakama on Thursday. Whereas for girls who will be wearing kimono, please look for Tung-chan for instructions.

Anyway, I’ve reminded myself something… Happiness is a choice. Even if you are forsaken, you can be happy. You have to be able to let go of those who had meant much to you. :]

Life is impermanent. If people cannot appreciate differences and embrace you, then let go of them. There is no point in being the only one who is clinging to that relationship. There is no purpose in masking the core of your existence.

Anyway, I’m ever thankful for having friends like Harris, Mandy and Ais, even though we haven’t met nor talked for weeks.

Logen L.

10/25/08

Resolution Of Independence

No matter how difficult life becomes, I’m here for myself. I have no need to rely on anyone. Born alone; die alone.

While there are friends who have proven their loyalty and honour, I do not wish to burden them.

I’m okay now.

Logen L.

10/24/08

Sinking Into The Abyss

I’m cracking. It hurts. The fear and paranoia is returning, slowly.

I cannot withstand battling against multiple triggers at one time. And this time, there were more than a multiple.

My mind is in a whirl, so much so that I no longer know why I’m sad. The more I ask myself why, the faster my thoughts race. I can no longer catch up with their pace.

Teach me how not to feel pain when people attack the core of your existence. Tell me why am I unwanted. Why can’t I have the taste of normalcy.

Am I born into the wrong world? A conventional person can relate to the ideas of common people. While me… I don’t know.

I don’t want to sink back into the dark abyss of guilt and sorrow. I was stuck in there for over 2 years last time. It was as if I was looking at reality from behind a veil that was trying to suffocate me.

The emptiness is heavy. Someone in the abyss is grabbing my ankle and pulling me under.

It’s coming back. It hurts, and I now find it hard to breathe. I don’t want to sink into the days when I was numb…

Logen L.