Category Archives: Life

02/7/08

Ironic Chinese Reunion Dinner

As with Christmas, the Chinese New Year reunion dinner today was nothing special. Around my cousins, I’m the extraordinary; an oddity.

I resent it. I really do. These are the people who I played with in my childhood. And they have progressed so infinitely.

While I fight for my share of happiness, they seem to take it for granted. I have to admit, I can and will never live up to the expectations of society and family. One day, I will leave before I am forsaken and fulfill my duties in monetary terms.

This is one of those entries that my readers cannot hope to understand. Only the select few will know and it is for them to know. But knowing and caring are different things. The irony…

Logen

02/6/08

Lunar New Year and Exams

The time left for revision gets shorter everyday. I have a substantial amount of uncovered work piled from skipping lectures. Yet I haven’t started studying. It is thus a mystery as to why I ain’t worrying.

Perhaps it’s the Chinese New Year and the prospect of getting money. But somehow, I know that’s not the reason.

The Ang Pao economy will hit this year due to inflation. Brace yourselves as the issue gets worsened by the establishment.

As much as I can’t blame you for the weather causing the inflation, thank you for the GST increment and additional ERP gantry points (smiles sarcastically). You may as well install escalators on every bridge and place a one dollar gantry for crossing over…

Happy Lunar New Year everyone!

Logen

01/18/08

Give Me My Due Respect

Make all the little jokes you want about me but have your limits. Give me my due respect and don’t go overboard.

People know me to be overly tolerant. In accumulating and containing my anger, know that it has an expiry date. This is your warning. I demand respect.

Logen

P.S. Ask no questions and I’ll tell no lies.

01/9/08

An Unwanted Sea Shell

Why was I forsaken by family to this world I clearly do not belong in? Am I a mere soul that inhabited a human child years ago? My questions remain unanswered, and forever it shall be.

Contrary to present day, my origin be unknown. Like a broken empty shell at the seaside, unwanted, tossed and uncared for. Would one rather be diamond, valued for its innate value. Or would he be glass, used for his innate value, to be there and not to be noticed, and eventually discarded.

The establishment pits against me and its people are prejudiced against me. Take me home, away from the asylum in my mind’s abyss.

Logen

01/2/08

Is It Wrong to Want to Feel Wanted?

I wrote this at school:

At no fault of mine; why do you hate me so?
Forsaken and feared; I am an animal in your eyes.

I ask nothing of you but friendship.
And in return, you renounce my name.

I. A monster whose tears meander in the cold;
A frightful experience indeed!
-Logen

I am having the Wednesday blues. The day began well but as it wore on I felt worse. After years of torment, I still get affected by the things people say. In my opinion, two things hurt the most; the truth and the anticipation of a bleak future. Both of which I happened to gain insight on.

I hate returning to these feelings. While running on the treadmill, I pictured myself losing my footing and the momentum hurls me towards the concrete wall, shattering my skull. A tad bit melodramatic and morbid, I’d think.

Equally sickening is the fact that I seek some form of validation from people. I’m too nice to friends who deserve a thorough telling-off from me. But due to my pathetic desire to feel wanted, I don’t. Is it wrong to want to feel wanted?

No matter. At least now I’m clear on the wherefores of my moods. Otherwise, it’ll be another day of melancholy.

Logen

P.S. Happy B’day mum.

12/26/07

It’s Christmas!

It’s Christmas, or it at least was 30 minutes ago. I’ve made around S$100 of purchases on Ebay and Bidz.

I do have to complain about shipping costs. US$7 to US$20 for an item that costs much much less. If I ever sell big time on Ebay, I will source for a cheaper international shipping company.

Anyway, I’ll be changing my hairstyle on Thursday. Hopefully I can pull off a Gothic look; not the rocker kind but one with a pirate/renaissance look.

Sorry that my entries aren’t really insightful. My moods are affecting it. My domain investments aren’t going well. I feel stupid spending money when I can’t earn it at a profit. At least I learnt the negative consequences of speculative investments.

Logen

12/23/07

First Time To The Movies

I had intended originally to buy a pair of three-quater pants but I then remembered that My little sister hadn’t been to the movies before. In a spur of the moment decision, I brought my little sister to the cinemas to watch Alvin and The Chipmunks.

The poor girl had a fever the previous day but despite it, I could tell that she was excited. It just brings back memories of myself when I was a kid.

Well, that’s it for now. I’ll be doing some shopping tomorrow and I’m hooked on EBay. I’ll post the items I’m interested in later on. Don’t any of you compete in the auction. Haha.

Christmas Eve on Monday!

Merry Christmas.

Logen