Hear You Screaming My Name
I want to sleep and never awake. My tenacity to handle this life has disappeared. Even the dimension where my imagination and fantasies reign has gone barren and cold. Between uncertainty and certainty, the bleakness is comparative. All I hear is the echoing silence; the vision of olden empty hallways with long forgotten madhouse inmates. I am blind and cannot see the path towards happiness. I am deaf and cannot hear the god of destiny calling my name. And I have been silenced by the doctors of this madhouse. Will you hold my hand and guide me out of the cold black abyss. I am afraid; damn afraid of this paralysis, damn afraid of being abandoned and damn afraid of being unwanted. Can you tell me that I’m worth it?Sponsor ZUJI SG - MLOB Cannonball 300x
Ushering Melancholy And 2012
Melancholic. I’ve used this word so much that it means little. Should I say I feel bleak, hopeless, gloomy and dreary instead? The new year has prodded me into thinking about life and what will happen after my stint at the army. It has reminded me about why my desire to be happy is just a pipe dream; and I’ve been sucessful at forgeting this dreadful reason for months, until now. Like I said in my prior post, don’t judge me or presume you know me. Don’t ask me the wherefores of my sadness out of curiosity. Don’t talk down at me. At the same time, shut the fuck up about god. I feel as if I’m stuck in another dimension, while everyone else is moving on with life, settling down in normalcy and conventionalism. I guess, this is...
Half Decade of Reflections
I am driven by loneliness and melancholy to reach for my goals. I had not accepted failure because being alone with my melancholic thoughts was painful. Today, I am where I am because of how I struggled in the process to find myself. It isn’t that the melancholy vanished. I merely learnt to deal with it. Here are some excerpts preluding and postluding the new year festivities for the past half a decade. In my serach for my writings in the past, I managed to idiotically delete an entire blog database by accident for a prior blog. Oh well. Earlier this year, 2011: Sure, there were many people walking in a drunken stupor, but better drunk and happy than sober and moody. What happened to the saint-like Logen who didn’t associate with booze and drunkeness?...
Don’t Mistake Your Curiosity For Concern
Get off your high horses dear friends and stop patronising me. I have never imposed my values and beliefs on you. Nor have I told you how you should live your life and belittle your struggles. So back off the next time you have some arrogant bullshit to tell me when I confide my private life with you. I don’t need you to fix me. I need a friend. Life takes you to places and amidst the journeying there is suffering and self-fulfillment. Often the suffering and pain surpasses the self-fulfillment, especially when the life you seek is unconventional. It is a sad sad world. And we need the people in our lives to be more accepting to our eccentricities, more supportive of our dreams and less judgmental to our struggles. It is difficult to find people who share...
Bimbotic Dialogue From The Past
Boredom has nudged me to dig some ‘dirt’ on Ais (a close friend of mine). Hopefully the dialogue between Eileen and her five years ago would give you some laughs. Sorry Ais. Logen
4 Triggers To Take Action For My Future
My stint in Singapore during the interim between the two military exercises has been unproductive. I meant to return focused on the business and my interests for these 17 days. Yet, the procrastinator within has won. Nonetheless, these recent events have re-sparked my passion. (1) Freedom from the army is near (next year) Free from the military in May 2012, I have to decide what to do with life. Which route should I take towards my coffin? I have thought of this numerous times and most of my options are unusual. As said before, I do not want to lead a conventional life; walking on a path paved by the masses who are frightened at expressing their individual views because society frowns upon anything different. I want to find my own happiness, in my own way. (2)...
Military Training in Rockhampton
For the past three weeks, I have been in Rockhampton, Australia, on a military exercise. The weather there has been cold at night and scorching in the day; and the level of humidity is extremely low. These are some highlights and low downs of my experiences there: (1) Outfield exercise involved breathtaking scenery by the lake and atop the knoll, (2) The canteen staff was friendly, especially Eilish, (3) I had a flirty conversation with a travelling stripper at the strip club, (4) My money was stolen by some fucker in the military camp, (5) I could not tolerate the utter disrespect of some of my platoon-mates and (6) The garlic chicken balls in the canteen was awesome. Because I hadn’t brought entertainment devices to Australia, I spent my lull time...
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