Logish Paradox

Airplanes Flying Across Pulau Tekong

Allow me to recount a melancholic moment I had while in Tekong Island, about 2 weeks ago.

Yet another airplane began its descent into Changi Airport from the skies of Tekong island. Within the military bunk, I sat atop the cold concrete with my eyes unfocused. The noise of the descending airplanes was a constant reminder of civilisation; how near we were to mainland Singapore and yet Tekong was far enough to travel by ferry.

Each day, I contemplated how my 2 years of military service would come to pass. There were times when the trainings and conditions were tough. The punishments meted were given to the platoon as a whole and not individually. Our morale sometimes dipped to a low.

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Just a month ago, I was a free person; a civilian teenage boy, not yet a man. And now, I am no longer the owner of my time and my body.

While lost in my thoughts, this song came into the playlist of my MP4 Player: Airplanes by B.O.B.. How fitting… With the number of airplanes flying across, my wishes may actually come true.

Logen L.

Being A Soldier, No Longer A Civilian

Upon enlisting into the army, I find less and less time for myself, my family and my friends. For the sake of adapting, I’ve ignored the fact that time no longer belongs to me. I’ve also been fooling myself to believe that the army is a choice I’ve made rather than a circumstance foisted onto my shoulders.

I feel exhausted, like I’ve never been before. Even then, I try not to complain. My motto is to do my best for situations that are salvageable and remain calm if the situation is unchangeable.

I now realise that in the army, the question to be asked was never: “How am I to survive this?”. The key to surviving unpleasant circumstances is to shut off the thought process, go with the flow of the training program and take a step at a time.

There is bound to be negativity associated with each step of the training, but forget and let go off the negative experience; take each step as a completely new journey. That way, time doesn’t feel prolonged. Before you know it, days, weeks or even months have passed.

Love, Happiness and Life

Words I want to speak, but I dare not. Your scent makes me want to bite into your neck. And your gaze brings a smile to my face.

Much of my thoughts await the light of day and the cessation of censorship. But here I shall stop. Silenced and victimized by your ignorance.

What of this world do I belong to?

Logen L.

Melancholic Partying For Two Nights

I spent Friday and Saturday clubbing at Supperclub and Rebel respectively.

Just last week, I’ve graduated with a diploma in Accountancy and I’ve received an amended enlistment letter that shortened my conscription time. Despite the many reasons to be glad, melancholy and gloom has seeped into the cracks of my soul.

More than ever, I’ve contemplated the definition of happiness and how societal expectations robs me of my free will as an individual. I’m not a bad person, but I’ll be forced to do unthinkable things. It kills me to know that the choices presented to me will end up hurting someone.

I realised that as you grow older, especially as a guy, it becomes difficult to cry. This doesn’t refer only to the facade of machismo that society expects us to maintain. The emotions feel so familiarly numb that you hesitate to react.

Drunk At Supperclub

Last Friday, the sorrow finally manifested in uncontrollable sobbing when I became high at Supperclub. I continued to drink, hoping to drown the sorrows and attune my body to the beats of the nightclub music. Before long, I felt the mood to dance but was drunk for the first time.

Based on the night’s events, my mind was conscious of what happened and I was able to assert control over myself. I was able to recall everything that happened (except when my eyes were shut). However, in my drunk state, my mobility was affected. I remember being walked to the toiled when I suddenly collapsed. Feeling the firm grip of Eugene and Zhen Xing, I knew I was in good hands and spent my time observing my drunken stupor till I was overcome by the urge to vomit.

As I hadn’t eaten the entire day, except for 2 buns at BreadTalk, I wasn’t able to vomit. I had to dig my fingers into my throat to induce vomit while kneeling in front of the silver toilet bowl. When I was helped back to our table, I layed down sideways. Occasionally I tried to sit up so that I would recover, but I was unable to due to the strong urge to vomit.

When I finally managed to sit vertically, I grabbed the garbage bag that someone had gotten for me (I could hear them talking earlier even though my eyes were closed). I remember puking into the garbage bag, with Brenda beside me patting my back. I then hoped that someone would get me a glass of water. After what felt to me like milliseconds, I looked up and there Brenda was with water. That was when I realised that my sense of timing and thoughts were very sluggish.

When I was drunk, it felt so easy to drift off into my own world and ignore my surroundings. Everything felt spontaneous because I lost the ability to hesitate. Yes, I must have taken some time to process information. But once I knew what was being said, my response was given without further thought. I wouldn’t say it was bliss, but having a diminished mental capacity to hold only a few thoughts at a time does help in reducing the pain of melancholy.

By the time I recovered, it was 3.27am. My friends took me to the dance floor and it was over within 15 minutes. I hadn’t danced the entire night.

Dancing At Rebel With A Ripped Plastic Bag

Determined to dance at the nightclub, I decided to go clubbing again on Saturday after my graduation dinner. It was unfortunate, but I had no desire to discuss University, work, or the future with my graduation mates at a pub; I hadn’t applied to a university, I wasn’t working and my future is painful.

Since none of my graduation mates were in the mood to club, I met up with Jhansi, Bala and his NS friends. We sat at the bridge near Liang Court at Clarke Quay and had some strong Whiskey. I declined the second bottle when I felt extremely high. Both Jhansi and I headed to the toilet and my body’s coordination was wobbly.

Managing to jump the queue at Rebel because of Bala’s friend’s connections, I entered the club without much fuss. Yet, I was dancing with a plastic bag on my arm (with Norton Antivirus won during the graduation dinner lucky draw). The rest of them was too high to wait for me to lock the plastic bag up.

By the time I left Rebel at 4am, my plastic bag was ripped and I was still high. I felt lonely at then. Bala and Jhansi had already left the club an hour ago because Bala was drunk. And I had been hanging around Bala’s friends.

I stumbled to the vending machine and looked for my wallet, realising that the pouch containing my IC and EZ-link card was missing from my pocket. I panicked and looked through the ripped plastic bag and felt damn lucky that I found the pouch. The hole in the plastic bag was big enough for the pouch to drop out during my 3 hours at Rebel.

The one-hour wait for the Night Rider (bus) was not that eventful, save for the arguing couple that was hitting each other. I had to summon my efforts to walk stably upon reaching home as my dad had just returned from cab driving.

That’s all…

Logen L.

Enlisting Into The Ninja Military

I believe my internship experience has opened my eyes to the shit that people do (office politics and utterly stupid behaviour). Will NS (national service) be similar and worse? Let me cross my fingers and teach myself to master my temper.

I’ve had an apprehensive week, which was triggered by the news of my friends’ military enlistment letters. I hadn’t received mine and prefer to enjoy a longer break. However, during the dawn of Sunday when I was preparing for bed, my dad handed me the much dreaded letter.

Upon thinking back, what happened next was surprising; I felt a sudden surge of anxiety but almost immediately I became completely calm and managed to emotionally-detached myself from the situation. I slowly tore the perforated sections of the envelope and pulled open the pages calmly.

And there it was. I would be enlisting into the military on 4th June 2010.

Within an hour, I accepted that I would lose my freedom for the next 2 years. What surprised me even more was that I actually looked forward to enlisting for the Combat training and Obstacle course. I regarded the two years as something akin to Ninja training in ancient Japan.

Anyway, I could postpone and reduce my conscription by 8 weeks if I attain Silver for the NAPFA test. The results must be submitted to them 2 weeks before the enlistment for the reduction to be valid. So, I’m going to continue training and ace the test. I want to be prepared for regimentation.

Logen L.

Zouk Is Definitely Out

Once again I was at Zouk (and Phuture) on Saturday evening. Managed to do a bit of shuffling and wild dancing, but the crowd was as ever intolerable. I do not like dancing there at all. Most of the time spent on the dance floor was to push other clubbers.

Why the hell does Bala like that place so much? I’m definitely going back to my ‘homeland’ (St James Powerhouse) the next time.

Ze An described his experience there succinctly in his own words: “Why the hell did I pay $43 to dance with guys!?”. Mandy and Vanessa allowed their actions to fully express what their words could not; they left Zouk before the party ended, stating that the crowd was unbearable. Eugene had full view of my exasperated, frustrated and incredulous facial expressions for the night.

At the very least I’m profoundly grateful for the company there. Mandy (who I danced insanely with), Vanessa (who was awesome at concocting the alcohol mixes), Eugene (and gang who kept me entertained; especially the joker who grinded guys who kept pushing us at the dancefloor), Bala (and Jhansi, who were being disgustingly mushy), Nicholas(who danced briefly with me just to prove that he wasn’t standing against the wall for the entire night), Guan Yu (who kept me entertained during the cab ride home when both Guan Kai and Agatha were sleeping), Ze An (who complained about paying to dance with guys), Guan Kai (who flirted irritatingly with two girls) and Agatha (who is awesomely eccentric and bold). I’ve left out some names because some people prefer to remain ninja.

Also, I became tipsy faster this time. Doubtlessly, it was because of the Panadols and antihistamines that I took less than an hour before drinking the alcohol.

Do any of my readers have recommendations for a nightclub in Singapore with good music and little crowds?

Logen L.

BudoFight.com On Bido Auction

Unexpectedly, my other domain name, BudoFight.com, was voted for auction on Bido within one hour of listing. This would no doubt be a popular choice among bidders on the 12th of April at 2.10pm EDT or 13th April at 2.10am SGT.

BudoFight.com was the domain for my Japanese budo martial arts site. But I decided to retire it due to lack of time. You can still see the site at BudoFight.com. This gives you a good idea of the topic of the domain name.

Being a former websites would mean value for money for interested buyers, because BudoFight.com will receive relevant traffic from its former visitors.

For more details please click on the Bido auction for BudoFight.com.

Logen L.