Author Archives: logish

05/31/10

Melancholic Partying For Two Nights

I spent Friday and Saturday clubbing at Supperclub and Rebel respectively.

Just last week, I’ve graduated with a diploma in Accountancy and I’ve received an amended enlistment letter that shortened my conscription time. Despite the many reasons to be glad, melancholy and gloom has seeped into the cracks of my soul.

More than ever, I’ve contemplated the definition of happiness and how societal expectations robs me of my free will as an individual. I’m not a bad person, but I’ll be forced to do unthinkable things. It kills me to know that the choices presented to me will end up hurting someone.

I realised that as you grow older, especially as a guy, it becomes difficult to cry. This doesn’t refer only to the facade of machismo that society expects us to maintain. The emotions feel so familiarly numb that you hesitate to react.

Drunk At Supperclub

Last Friday, the sorrow finally manifested in uncontrollable sobbing when I became high at Supperclub. I continued to drink, hoping to drown the sorrows and attune my body to the beats of the nightclub music. Before long, I felt the mood to dance but was drunk for the first time.

Based on the night’s events, my mind was conscious of what happened and I was able to assert control over myself. I was able to recall everything that happened (except when my eyes were shut). However, in my drunk state, my mobility was affected. I remember being walked to the toiled when I suddenly collapsed. Feeling the firm grip of Eugene and Zhen Xing, I knew I was in good hands and spent my time observing my drunken stupor till I was overcome by the urge to vomit.

As I hadn’t eaten the entire day, except for 2 buns at BreadTalk, I wasn’t able to vomit. I had to dig my fingers into my throat to induce vomit while kneeling in front of the silver toilet bowl. When I was helped back to our table, I layed down sideways. Occasionally I tried to sit up so that I would recover, but I was unable to due to the strong urge to vomit.

When I finally managed to sit vertically, I grabbed the garbage bag that someone had gotten for me (I could hear them talking earlier even though my eyes were closed). I remember puking into the garbage bag, with Brenda beside me patting my back. I then hoped that someone would get me a glass of water. After what felt to me like milliseconds, I looked up and there Brenda was with water. That was when I realised that my sense of timing and thoughts were very sluggish.

When I was drunk, it felt so easy to drift off into my own world and ignore my surroundings. Everything felt spontaneous because I lost the ability to hesitate. Yes, I must have taken some time to process information. But once I knew what was being said, my response was given without further thought. I wouldn’t say it was bliss, but having a diminished mental capacity to hold only a few thoughts at a time does help in reducing the pain of melancholy.

By the time I recovered, it was 3.27am. My friends took me to the dance floor and it was over within 15 minutes. I hadn’t danced the entire night.

Dancing At Rebel With A Ripped Plastic Bag

Determined to dance at the nightclub, I decided to go clubbing again on Saturday after my graduation dinner. It was unfortunate, but I had no desire to discuss University, work, or the future with my graduation mates at a pub; I hadn’t applied to a university, I wasn’t working and my future is painful.

Since none of my graduation mates were in the mood to club, I met up with Jhansi, Bala and his NS friends. We sat at the bridge near Liang Court at Clarke Quay and had some strong Whiskey. I declined the second bottle when I felt extremely high. Both Jhansi and I headed to the toilet and my body’s coordination was wobbly.

Managing to jump the queue at Rebel because of Bala’s friend’s connections, I entered the club without much fuss. Yet, I was dancing with a plastic bag on my arm (with Norton Antivirus won during the graduation dinner lucky draw). The rest of them was too high to wait for me to lock the plastic bag up.

By the time I left Rebel at 4am, my plastic bag was ripped and I was still high. I felt lonely at then. Bala and Jhansi had already left the club an hour ago because Bala was drunk. And I had been hanging around Bala’s friends.

I stumbled to the vending machine and looked for my wallet, realising that the pouch containing my IC and EZ-link card was missing from my pocket. I panicked and looked through the ripped plastic bag and felt damn lucky that I found the pouch. The hole in the plastic bag was big enough for the pouch to drop out during my 3 hours at Rebel.

The one-hour wait for the Night Rider (bus) was not that eventful, save for the arguing couple that was hitting each other. I had to summon my efforts to walk stably upon reaching home as my dad had just returned from cab driving.

That’s all…

Logen L.

04/26/10

Enlisting Into The Ninja Military

I believe my internship experience has opened my eyes to the shit that people do (office politics and utterly stupid behaviour). Will NS (national service) be similar and worse? Let me cross my fingers and teach myself to master my temper.

I’ve had an apprehensive week, which was triggered by the news of my friends’ military enlistment letters. I hadn’t received mine and prefer to enjoy a longer break. However, during the dawn of Sunday when I was preparing for bed, my dad handed me the much dreaded letter.

Upon thinking back, what happened next was surprising; I felt a sudden surge of anxiety but almost immediately I became completely calm and managed to emotionally-detached myself from the situation. I slowly tore the perforated sections of the envelope and pulled open the pages calmly.

And there it was. I would be enlisting into the military on 4th June 2010.

Within an hour, I accepted that I would lose my freedom for the next 2 years. What surprised me even more was that I actually looked forward to enlisting for the Combat training and Obstacle course. I regarded the two years as something akin to Ninja training in ancient Japan.

Anyway, I could postpone and reduce my conscription by 8 weeks if I attain Silver for the NAPFA test. The results must be submitted to them 2 weeks before the enlistment for the reduction to be valid. So, I’m going to continue training and ace the test. I want to be prepared for regimentation.

Logen L.

04/12/10

Zouk Is Definitely Out

Once again I was at Zouk (and Phuture) on Saturday evening. Managed to do a bit of shuffling and wild dancing, but the crowd was as ever intolerable. I do not like dancing there at all. Most of the time spent on the dance floor was to push other clubbers.

Why the hell does Bala like that place so much? I’m definitely going back to my ‘homeland’ (St James Powerhouse) the next time.

Ze An described his experience there succinctly in his own words: “Why the hell did I pay $43 to dance with guys!?”. Mandy and Vanessa allowed their actions to fully express what their words could not; they left Zouk before the party ended, stating that the crowd was unbearable. Eugene had full view of my exasperated, frustrated and incredulous facial expressions for the night.

At the very least I’m profoundly grateful for the company there. Mandy (who I danced insanely with), Vanessa (who was awesome at concocting the alcohol mixes), Eugene (and gang who kept me entertained; especially the joker who grinded guys who kept pushing us at the dancefloor), Bala (and Jhansi, who were being disgustingly mushy), Nicholas(who danced briefly with me just to prove that he wasn’t standing against the wall for the entire night), Guan Yu (who kept me entertained during the cab ride home when both Guan Kai and Agatha were sleeping), Ze An (who complained about paying to dance with guys), Guan Kai (who flirted irritatingly with two girls) and Agatha (who is awesomely eccentric and bold). I’ve left out some names because some people prefer to remain ninja.

Also, I became tipsy faster this time. Doubtlessly, it was because of the Panadols and antihistamines that I took less than an hour before drinking the alcohol.

Do any of my readers have recommendations for a nightclub in Singapore with good music and little crowds?

Logen L.

04/6/10

Auctioning off DiaryPress.com

To my dear readers, you may know that I was once a part-time domain name trader. I’ll be auctioning off some of my best domain names during these few weeks.

On the 13th of April at 2.03 am (Singapore time) the domain name, DiaryPress.com will be auctioned at Bido.com. Bido.com is a reputable domain name auction site in the industry.

Please share this news with your friends and family who want a brandable domain name that is most suited for personal, entertainment or news media websites.

For the benefit of my readers in New York (EDT), the auction begins at 2.03 pm on 12 April. I do value my readers from other parts of the world, but well, the default timing given to me for the auction in New York Time. So, I’m not biased. Haha.

Click here for the Bido auction details!

Please help to spread the news. Thanks.

Logen L.

04/5/10

Zouk Is Out?

I’ve been to Zouk (and Phuture) for some partying on Good Friday, and I’m disappointed by the nightclub. There are mainly three types of clubbers: (1) The drinkers, (2) The dancers and (3) The pick-up artists. I belong to category two, the dancers.

Let’s just say I’m a dancer who needs a lot of space and neither Zouk nor Phuture allows me to move. I would be satisfied to be able to move my legs a little but I was suffocating in a sea of grinding clubbers. I could only stand and rock my body awkwardly most of the time.  To add to the insult of the experience, the music wasn’t good. There were only ten-second snippets each of the choruses of ‘Just Dance’, ‘Pokerface’ and other club favourites.

But allow me to give out some positive points. I enjoyed the drinks served at Zouk and it was my first time trying out the Flaming Lambo and two shots of Seven Dwarves. The service standard was good. The staff was friendly and quick.

The highlight, I suppose, was when I broke off from the suffocation and went down the stairs to an emptier area leading to Zouk. There was a shuffler, doing a crazy shuffle. I just stood there and watched his awesomeness.

Hmm… Not sure if this is also a highlight, but it was my first time having bouncers push through the crowd to break up two fights. When we left, there was blood on the stairs.

In any case, it might be due to the public holiday that Zouk is so packed. I hope my next visit on the coming Saturday would be more than awesome.

Logen L.

03/21/10

The Paradox of God and the Devil

“Religion is a lie

God is a fairy tale character

The devil is mere representation of… human fear”

My melancholy subconsciously prodded me into making the above sketch. It clearly reflects my thoughts on religion, god and the devil, while my lecturer was conducting the audit tutorial class.

I may upload more sketches I’ve made in time to come. I have a habit of doodling on my notes (especially during lectures). I must say though, I’ve completed my course and am awaiting the graduation ceremony. No more opportunity to doodle.

Logen L.

03/18/10

Living In Another Land And Writing A Novel

“Nothing is bleaker than the future, except perhaps the past.”

– A remark by a geisha on the war, Memoirs of A Geisha

[wordbay]Memoirs of a Geisha[/wordbay]

I spent the morning contemplating (and worrying) over how life will pan out after I have served the military. Long have I discovered that life rarely takes on the path of your desires. And my desires are many.

Before the age of thirty, I intend to migrate out of this country to another. My reasons for doing so are purely personal. I want to be a businessman who runs his own business, with a portfolio of investments. And I’d like to author fictional stories as a part-time job. Amidst all this, I want the time to train in Aikido (or Aikijujutsu) and perhaps fall in love.

However, when I compare my plans with what I observe of others, my aspirations sound naive and risky. The standard cookie-cutter plan of my friends is to: (1) Apply for a ‘good’ university, (2) Graduate and work for a company for the rest of their lives, (3) Find time to get married in the process. I don’t mean to scorn the plan, but it certainly isn’t for me.

There are some options in my mind now, to take my being closer to my goals (mainly the immigration).

1. Train in Japan as a live-in aikido student at the Yoshinkan Aikido Headquarters. Supplement my income as an English teacher and improve my Japanese proficiency. After 5 years, I can be considered for naturalisation as a Japanese citizen. There is definitely job satisfaction as I enjoy teaching.

2. Become a (accountancy or business) student at an Australian University. Apply for permanent residency for some years before applying for citizenship.

3. Take up an accountancy degree through Ngee Ann’s affiliation with overseas universities, or study for ACCA. Work for a few years locally, then apply for Canadian citizenship as a skilled worker (accountant/auditor). Or if I have sufficient net assets (unlikely), I can apply for Canadian citizenship under their entrepreneur scheme.

Apparently, money is a damper to my plans, especially option two. But I’d like to further my studies for the sake of a back up plan and to have one last opportunity to be a student. I’m going to the ‘Study In Australia’ Exhibition to consider my university options this Sunday.

It occurred to me that the idea of traveling the world while working as an English teacher seems viable. To write a book while events take shape in an unfamiliar cultural landscape is spontaneously romantic. What say you? Please answer my poll below.

[polldaddy poll=2917629]

Logen L.