Logish Paradox

Public Speaking Blunder

I blundered through my presentation today. Public speaking is considered one of my fortes, so you can imagine how angry I was with myself after the screw up.

Prior to my presentation slot, there were four other presenters, all of whom were excellent. To add on to my nervousness, the person who first presented chose the same topic as I. Because of my anxiety of not reaching the benchmark set by him, I blanked out after my second sentence. This consequently triggered a chain reaction, which impeded my flow of thought. I ended up reading from my note card, which lacked substantial point to back whatever I was saying.

As I moved on in my speech, I made noticeable pauses looking at the audience desperately. I was considering walking out and giving up. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

In my opinion, the great public speakers are those who have flow of thought and can connect with their audience’s mentality. The lack of a rehearsed feel in one’s presentation is a plus. Sadly at my own judgment, my performance today was a fiasco.

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That said, I take my hat off to Joey, the person who presented the same topic as I. His presentation today was the best yet.

What I have to get into my thick skull is: Focus on the message you intend to convey during the presentation; not how much you’re going to screw up because your competitor has done a swell job. I have really to get rid of my self-defeating attitude.

Logen

Love is the Triumph of Imagination over Intelligence

Within my skull, your wretched name is etched. I am your slave, for though the name resounds endlessly, never do I dare speak it, in fear of letting slip my fiery passion.

Your presence prompts my heart and mind to race. And all too soon, the heart triumphs every ounce of logic.

Had I the opportunity I’d stare forever into your eyes, the windows to your soul. On the rare chance upon which I caught glimpses into you eyes, I witnessed swimming playfulness, coupled with humbled maturity. Ah, alas, this is but inconsequential, for the witness shall only be a witness for evermore…

It is doubtful that you will ever say my name as if it were holy. With even more certainty and conviction, our gaze will never meet, so as to connect our souls as one. This I am sure, for I have spoken to the fates themselves. The crass tapestry they’ve woven is evident.

It reveals that I was right from the beginning. The world I reside at present, is not my home. It is yours.

You have coerced me without knowing it. Return me my heart.

“Love is the triumph of imagination over intellience.” -Henry Mencken

Logen

The Lack of Thoughts

These days I haven’t been writing much thought-provoking entries. The lack of time and prescence of mind are the main reasons.

However, I promise worthy entries in time to come. Many people know me to be intolerant of racism. Well, in general I frown at discrimination but have learnt to pick my battles. Therefore, in mentioning this, I wish to write various entries on discrimintation that eventually leads to a major entry, which reconciles the various concepts.

Aside from the above, I know that I have neglected my life list. It is a list of my goals, which I want a substantial amount  completed before my demise. Hence, during the coming vacation, I want to attempt contact juggling and brush up on my writing skills.

The Logish Paradox site will be refurbished and organised, of course.

Oh yes, I’ve forgotten about the poor bonsai in the box. I bought it months ago to gain inner peace and patience in waiting for it to grow. Indeed, I’m still waiting for it to grow because I never got to planting the seeds. But the anticipation of growing a bonsai plant has already brought me inner peace.

They really should sell imaginary bonsais instead. Then I can imagine a bonsai growing without the hasle of maintaining its life. For goodness sake, I killed a cactus and you have no idea how remorseful I feel.

So, this is all. My revision for the exams will begin on this coming Wednesday.

Logen

The Music I Listen To

People have been asking about the kind of music I listen to. With a quick check on my cellphone, which doubles as a music player, here are the bands and artistes:

• Within Temptation
• Groove Coverage
• Cascada
• Nightwish
• Gavin DeGraw
• David Bowie
• Alice Cooper
• The Beatles
• Simon and Garfunkel
• Annie Lenox
• Story of the Year
• Celine Dion
• D.H.T
• Ayumi Hamasaki
• Ambeon
• Chiodos
• Liz Phair
• DJ Styles
• Rihanna
• DJ Crawford

My favourite band is Within Temptation. If you know me for long enough, you’d know that I love to dwell in fantasies. The music by Within Temptation allows me to catch glimpses of my own world, the world I had created when I felt lonely. As much as the world of Harry Potter appeals to me, it is also not my place of belonging.

Let me digress a little. I’ve realised in these few weeks that I should never be ashamed of being myself. I had forgotten about this simple quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”. Never again.

The below video is an edit of the movie Labyrinth, coupled with the song, Somewhere by Within Temptation. Oh yes, if anyone is wondering what contact juggling is, it is shown in the video.

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“I’ll find you somewhere…

I’ll keep on trying, untill my dying day…”

Somewhere by Within Temptation

Logen

Pre-Exams Syndrome and Leadership Judgment

The period preceeding the exams can get exceptionally crazy. However the Lunar New Year is helping with lightening the mood. I did some shopping with Zhi Wei and Lian Hui.

Anyway, I apologise for the tone in which I delivered the message of my previous entry. However, the judgment remains. A leader is one who chooses to accept his leadership, and in turn, leads with a sense of direction.

While a leader may disagree with the team, he is obligated to listen to their views and suggestions. The strength of a team lies in its unity, diversity of perspectives and ability to allocate tasks efficiently.

For this subject, my views have ended.

Logen

Last Minute Leadership

Don’t expect a proper entry here.

I was having such a wonderful dream when suddenly the chee bai alarm rang. Kana sai! Two hours of sleep.

For fuck’s sake, everyone’s busy, you aren’t alone in this. Don’t use your bloody schedule as a pretext for your deficient leadership abilities. Wasted time last week because this idea cannot, that idea cannot. Si lan jiao! The result is a rush of last minute work, yet again.

As a leader, I expect you to prioritise and plan. But it seems the group is wading in a pile of dung, smelling for a sense of direction. The good news is, as a person, I have not lost respect for you. But as a leader… Oh god, I must be knocked down by a garbage truck and have my hand down a diarrhea-filled toilet to respect you.

I’ll regret this later, but the lack of sleep makes it feel as if my balls have rolled out of place. For now you’re a maire pundeh.

Logen

A Person’s Identity Consist of Memories, Or Does it?

I used to be able to organise my thoughts quickly. But the lack of practise has reduced me to chaos and confusion.

Right now, I merely seek to find myself and the multitudes of unwritten insights I once had. The feeling of apathy is undescribably mundane. It is especially alarming when sweet memories of the past no longer pull your heartstrings. What more when you can’t be sure if the memories you hold dear stay intact.

At times I gaze outside to admire the dark expanse of night, taking in the silent winds, only to realise that in the battle of life, I have lost many people. Perhaps I made some mistakes, but I shan’t be so arrogant to claim all responsibility for the blunders.

I apologise that through these mere few paragraphs, I have lost you in my words. What I am trying to say is, I feel as if I’ve been drifting without direction. I have lost focus of my prorities and even though I desperately search the past for direction, I cannot remember how I was and how I did things. As much as the snippets of memories reveal, I’ve made mistakes but it takes two hands to clap.

To put it succinctly, I want to be back on form and am trying to.

Logen