06/19/08

The Old Man And His Grandson

I finally visited my grandfather two days ago. He was happy to see me and we did talk for quite a bit.

Knowing that his memory was failing him slowly, I bought him green tea. I wanted to get him some reading material but his eyesight is bad. And in my opinion, it can contribute to memory problems.

The eyes can be said to be the windows to intellectual stimulation, such as reading, doing word puzzles and so on. Without intellectual stimulation, especially in old age, the brain power can actually deteriorate. But I’m not to worried for the old man, because he tries to read albeit with great difficulty.

From our conversation, I found out some interesting things from him. He had fought for Singapore during World War 2. He was injured during the bombings and till this day has shrapnel stuck in his shins. After the war, he was offered citizenship in England and medical care for his injuries. He declined.

Throughout the conversation there was a shade of bitterness in his voice. He talked about the shortcomings of age; the lack of ability to be self-sufficient and befalling to illness. I could tell that he was lonely. It makes me think, would I one day feel this sense of loneliness. Would I lose my ability to support myself and fall into the ills of age. And eventually would I pray for death to come swiftly, to escape the pain.

Logen L.

06/12/08

The Human Condition of Suffering

The human condition dictates that we only see the partial truth. What do I mean? Can you experience truth in a direct manner? The answer is no. We perceive truth, through our five senses and mind. While the five senses are rather reliable, they are still prone to error. The mind, however, is more so unpredictable.

I shall illustrate this with my own example.

Some days ago, I was upset about what someone had said about me. The moment I heard what I heard, my mind immediately dug up past references of similar events. By the time I had finished replaying my memories of the past and what had happened moments ago, what the person had said became ten times worser.

Very often, things that happen to us aren’t as bad as how we perceive them to be. However, the mind doesn’t let your past hurts be gone so easily. The mind likes to take the good things that happen for granted, and choose to relish in painful memories.

This is the human condition. From moment to moment, we seek to free ourselves from suffering by anticipating and then avoiding suffering. We seek pleasure to numb the pain. We become paranoid due to past incidents.

But think about this, if you continuously try to avoid suffering by being paranoid, isn’t it additional suffering? After all, what we perceive is only the partial truth. Paranoia is the overactive imagination at work.

To truly be free, you have to let go of the bad; if you decide to carry the burden of bad memories, they will fester inside of you and eventually consume you.

Life is just a paradox.

Logen L.

06/10/08

Last Wishes and The Conditions of Age

Lately, I’ve noticed that my personality was rather elf-like. Capricious, to be exact. I could be laughing at one moment, but just as quickly my mood changes. And in honesty, my head has a hard time catching up with my moods. I’d love to be carefree and ever cheerful. However, it just isn’t realistic.

Sometimes, I’m plain loud with my boisterous laughter and crude ramblings, then I suddenly go quiet when I think about sad stuff. When that happens I pretend to be tired or hungry. It simplifies things really.

Anyway, I’ve avoided visiting my grandparent’s place for a few years. I didn’t want trouble caused because of my long hair and other stuff. 

I was told today that my granddad was crying because he had missed me and thought that I no longer cared. I’ve always felt that my existence was valueless, since I’ve dissapointed his expectations. Well, I love him as ever. His health is becoming progressively worse and his memory to is failing him; the conditions of age.

It pains me to hear the way the message was conveyed: He wanted to see me before he left. I intend to do so soon. And I don’t think I can forgive myself if I lose that chance.

In any case, I know for sure, I’ll eventually dissapoint the expectations of my family…

Logen L.

05/29/08

Earning Cash from Domain Name Investment

Despite the impending common tests, I’m only going at three-quarter pace for revision. The remaining quarter is stuck at my domain name investments.

I’ve managed to sell a few domains at more than twice the cost price on Ebay and I guess that has spurred me on. Right now, I’m looking for ways to get easy income from my portfolio of more than twenty domain names. And it seems I’ve found a way.

At least I’m achieving another of my goals of the life list. But the revenue generated per month is still short of my ideal amount. Please do not ask how much I’m earning because honestly I don’t know.

Firstly, the income stream is too unstable to warrant proper accounting. I’m just focusing on the inflows and outflows of cash (cash-basis, not accrual-basis). Secondly, I’m a Ebay-addict. The moment I see money coming in, I immediately do some shopping on Ebay. Thirdly, perhaps the most honest reason of the three reason, I’m just damn lazy to do calculation (especially when I have to retrieve invoices, receipts from my email, Paypal and Ebay).

Now, on the topic of common test. To my readers, the common test is a relatively important set of exams, which consist of around 20% of the final score.

Modules to be tested:

  • Cost Accounting
  • Auditing 1
  • Intermediate Financial Accounting
  • Financial Management

Thus far, I’m slowly covering two modules to be tested within the next five days, of which I’m confident in. The other two that will be tested in the middle of next week, give me the jitters. Both are memory-intensive.

Oh well, no point talking without acting. All the best to me and those who face the common test. May the will of the dragon be with you.

Logen L. (Sandaime Dragonkage, Head of the Dragon Clan, Member of the Legendary Elder Yonnin)

05/24/08

Happy Belated Birthday to Me

I turned 18 yesterday. I’d like to thank all those who wished me Happy Birthday. And I truly enjoyed the simplicity of the day.

To my classmates (a.k.a. villagers of the HIdden Vilage of The Dragon), thanks for your surprise at the Alumni with the Birthday cake. I haven’t been blowing the candles for my past years. Anyway, I think all of you sung the birthday song too loud. It made me so paiseh (embarrassed).

To Zhi Wei, thanks for the $1.50 out of $4 treat for my prawn noodles. Hahaha. To Horace and Jing Yi, no thanks for singing me the Pirates of the Caribbean theme while I was shitting in the toilet.

To my parents and sister, thanks for the pizzas and the company. That’s about it.

Please donate to the China Earthquake Fund.

Logen

05/22/08

Beings of Different Worlds

Your innocent eyes brings me profound misery. It is as though you have wrenched my beating heart with those graceful fingers and forced it into an over-small box.

The misery so profound because we are beings of separate dimensions and I’ve had the misfortune to fancy you. While in proximity we can be close, our hearts are separated by a heavy veil between each dimension.

Somehow, I hoped and believed I could challenge the laws of this world but I was stupid. I awaited the day you’d utter my name with the fevour of those who pray. It never came.

I’m a pathetic fool who is in love with you. I’m a dirty animal that you should rightly scorn because that is how it is. And I’m an idiot to leave myself vulnerable by trying to love.

Logen L.

05/22/08

To Conquer My Fear of Cockroaches

I’m still afraid of cockroaches. But so long as they stay away from my house and keep a distance of two metres away from me when I’m out, I don’t mind their existence. As for the flying ones, I prefer to extend the distance to one kilometre.

Why am I talking about this all of a sudden? I had previously mentioned using NLP to overcome phobias. I wanted to rid myself of this fear by the age of eighteen. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to (considering that I have less than three days).

I have let loose on my reins of time and haven’t been reading up on the NLP books I gathered. In oher words, I still lack the fundamentals to work NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) to that level. You will have to wait longer to see the results.

Logen L.